We’ve been together a long time. The one thing that keeps us close is, I like to go deep. Every time the opportunity presents itself, I make it a point to go deep. She likes it, and it keeps our love sacred. It keeps us connected.
Every long term relationship will have to find their way. But in both my personal life, and what I preach in my practice, is that going deep keeps the love alive. Being intimate means many things to many people. The common ingredient though, is being connected. If every other aspect of your relationship is on point, but you do not feel connected, chances are you won’t last. All the money, the house, cars and kids, will not be able to preserve your love. Eventually, you will crave the connectedness. That’s is why you must go deep.
In my 35 years working in mental health, I see this play out all too often. The intimacy is gone. You stop doing what you did when you first started dating. You get comfortable. Next, you stop taking the time to talk to each other. You both get so busy, your physical love has to be scheduled. And finally, you’ve reduced your communication to a series of text and brief exchanges in passing, while one of you is running out of the house. Stop it now. Take the time to go deep.
The one thing I credit to the strength of my long term relationship is going deep. Yes, there are times when we get busy. But, that usually is the time, when we make the time, to go deep. Going deep is a way of saying that you matter. That you’re important to me. You actually make time to be together. To listen. To laugh, love and grow as you did when you first started seeing each other. I know the buzzword here lately is “date night”. And while I generally agree with the concept, I prefer to handle my relationship as a long, protracted love affair. The intimate walks, holding of the hands, and non stop compliments. The leaning in for no other reason, except to steal a kiss. That, is how I go deep.
I have always found it interesting how some will work around the clock, just to try and move forward in their company. I totally get it. You are trying to secure your future. But, what I don’t get is, not being willing to put the same intensity into securing your relationship. For your relationship is your future. You need not go hour for hour between work and love. But, you do need to take the time to show your love, that they are loved.
There was a time when your partner was a commitment. Maybe it’s time to start talking again. And maybe it’s time to start listening as well. For just as you want your bank account to grow, you’re going to have to make some deposits. Same holds true for your relationship. And the only way to do that is, take them deep.
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Benefit from Vance Larson’s experience in a one on one counselling session here.