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  • Q. What do I do if my child throws a tantrum?


    It is normal for children to throw tantrums when they are around 2 or so. This is a natural and important part of their developmental phase. So it's not that tantrums are bad, in fact, the way in which we handle them that is important in teaching our child valuable emotional intelligence that can support them for the rest of their life. These skills can make their life easier going forward by helping them to form positive connections with others. 

    When your child has a tantrum, usually they are angry because they are not getting what they want. When they are having a full blown tantrum, crying, kicking and screaming, this is not the time to reason with them!! They are so full of anger and emotion they will not be able to hear you. You may have to let the tantrum run its course a bit, until the emotion passes through them. As long as they are safe you may even need to walk away and come back when they can even just take in what you are saying.

    Never make them feel like their emotion is wrong or that gives them the message that is OK not to feel. Children have the ability to feel very easily. They can be happy one minute, angry next, then sad and then happy again. This is the natural ebb and flow of feelings. It's when we suppress these feelings or act out on them in negative ways that problems occur. For example, when we are taught to suppress our feelings we push them further and further down inside until they will either make us sick with stomach problems or headaches for example. Alternatively, the feelings that people have been taught are wrong, can build and build inside them until the person explodes acting out on the feelings and often hurting others in the process.

    So when the tantrum has subsided even a little, this is the time to validate your child's feelings by saying: "I can see your angry/sad/mad (the emotion) that you can't have your toy/the apple/pull your sister's hair" (the situation). This validation of their emotions should help them to feel calm and understood. Then you can give a brief explanation why and tell them what they need to do, such as the need to share or that your sister has feelings and pulling her hair will hurt her.

    Effectively you are giving them some space until they calm down, name and validate the emotion, explain (very briefly why, a long explanation or lengthy reasoning will lose their attention) and say what they did. This is a confident, firm, kind and caring way and you will be the parent who they know is clearly in charge yet is supportive and kind. Knowing that you are in charge makes them feel safe and secure and that you are acting in their best interests.

    At around two years of age children start exploring and finding out in the world what is and isn’t acceptable. They learn this through what they are exposed to and often what is reflected back to them by adults. During this phase, a child’s language skills are developing rapidly, and it is important to teach them how to use their words to get what they want, rather than acting out on their feelings by sulking or having a tantrum. If this stage of development isn’t completed effectively, adults can still fall back on sulking or having tantrums, to get what they want!

    For children and adults who have not completed this stage of development, having a tantrum or sulking will be a coping mechanism to get what they want, no matter what their age. Expanding our awareness is about learning new and better ways in emotional mastery. If life is difficult, challenging or a struggle, this is a sign that we still have things to learn.

    This period of a child’s life is all about boundaries. For example to learn, kindly and gently, that it’s not acceptable to destroy others’ property or to hit other children on the head with their toys. It is essential that healthy boundaries of respect and kindness towards others are set at this age. These skills will allow them to relate to and connect to others for the rest of their life.

    Walls may block you in, but boundaries will set you free. ~ Guy Morgan

    Our children want and need us to guide them as they grow and discover the world. It is essential to respect a child’s sense of self and their internal guidance system. It is also essential for their well-being and happiness, that we are confident in stepping up, (within reason as we are only human too) and being there for them as wise and compassionate role models.

  • Q. I have suffered with depression & anxiety over a period of time on & off. It is a debillitating disease & hard to understand what sets it off. I would like to hear from other people who are going through it & how they cope from day to day.


    Depression and anxiety is one of life's greatest challenges that can often catch us off guard from time to time. Ways I try to cope with on and off depression is by either picking up a hobby or just finding something to distract myself with. 

    Some examples of mine are: 

    - Watch a TV show or movie (preferably something with comedy to make me laugh)

    - Listen to music

    - Go for a walk 

    - Talk to friends

    - Play video games

    - Cooking

    I've also noticed throughout the years that if I constantly surround myself with people who are full of positive energy, that energy will eventually start to rub off on me and uplift my mood. 

    There are many different triggers and severities to anxiety, however in my case, anxiety often occurs when I am confronted by something intimidating. Such as an interview or presentation of some sort. It's always scary having to do something out of your comfort zone, but the more you keep trying to get out of that zone, you'll eventually become comfortable with what you're doing.

    In terms of dealing with anxiety, the main way to cope with it is trying to change your mindset because anxiety originates from overthinking. For me, I'm always overthinking that the interviewer or the people I'm presenting to are going to be judging me with negative connotations or that they think I have no idea what I'm talking about. Therefore before I have an interview or presentation, I try to calm my mind by listening to music and just mentally preparing myself, telling myself that once it's over, it's out of the way and I won't have to worry about it again. It sometimes also helps when I vent out my anxiety to friends who support and motivate me. 


    If you ever need anyone to talk Kaye, I'm always more than welcome to help. 

  • Q. How do I stop feeling like a victim?


    The opposite to feeling like a victim is to feel in our power or empowered. When we are empowered we feel strong, confident and free to live the life we want, regardless of others.

    Well-meaning people may have contributed to our self-image in ways that cause us to feel less than the divine, magnificent beings, that we are. The important thing is the past is the past, and if external ideas do not enhance our life, they do not belong to us. From this moment forward, it is possible to build a flourishing sense of self-confidence, by becoming very still and find out what is going on in our internal world. If our beliefs are not supporting the best possible version of ourselves, they are not true.

    Acceptance is the first step to feeling empowered—naming and accepting ANY feelings as they are right now without judgement. This technique, helps us to diffuse any internal pressure or stress, so that we can make the best decisions for ourselves. This is because, when we accept our anger for example, with compassion and grace, it no longer controls us, and we no longer feel and act in angry ways.

    We may be harbouring feelings of anger, for example, that our father walked out on us when we were six. This feeling of anger has never been expressed or validated (know as repression). In our current life, that feeling may be directed at inappropriate people, such as our children or partner. This feeling is driving our behaviour and is disempowering, as we are isolating ourselves from others, by being an angry person.

    The good news is that we can always validate our feelings now (even if they are from years ago) and allow them to pass through our energetic system, preventing us from acting out in inappropriate ways.

    Observing our feelings and letting them flow, makes it possible to be the master of our emotions, rather than our emotions mastering us. This inner stability allows us to live in a genuinely empowered state.

    From this sense of calm and peace, it is important to learn to speak our truth, or what is right for us. Victims generally feel as though they do not have a voice. If we are in a situation that is harmful to us we may need to speak to those involved. If is is a violent or volatile situation, it may not be safe to speak to that person directly and you may need to get some professional support to find out the safest course of action for yourself. However never put up with an abusive relationship, take the appropriate, safe action to sort it out.

    Victims can fall into the trap (understandably) of fear driving them and then creating a life based on those fearful thoughts. To create the fully empowered life of your dreams, visualise while meditating and focussing on what you want in a loving way.

    Focussing on your passions and the things that you do well allow you to feel empowered as you feel the joy of doing work that you love.

    Feeling like a victim can seem overwhelming and feel like you are trapped. However, EVERY PROBLEM IN LIFE HAS A SOLUTION. It may feel like you are unsupported, however, answers are everywhere if you look for them. If you are really overwhelmed or have intense feelings, counsellors and psychotherapists are there to support you, in working through your challenges. If money is an issue, contact a helpline in your country or find a support group. If feelings are less intense a trusted friend can be a great sounding board, in allowing you to work out what you need to do, as you step forward in your journey to empowerment.

    Getting out of your head and into your heart is a very powerful way in discovering the best answers for you. Chinese medicine views the heart as "The Emperor" of the body. The HeartMath Institute has recorded the heart to be approximately 60 times greater electrically and up to 5,000 times stronger magnetically than the brain. It is your wise, all knowing place that knows what is right for you. When we are still, meditating or in nature it is easier for us to hear the messages from our heart, safely driving us back to our true, empowered selves.

    So there are many ways and paths for us to overcome feeling like a victim and stepping into your true empowered selves feeling better, stronger and wiser than ever before.

  • Q. What do I do if I’m addicted to technology?


    Knowing how to use technology is important for your well-being and in relation to maintaining positive social interactions. If you find you cannot control how much you are using technology and it is overtaking your life, set yourself limits regarding use of devices. Eg: not at all during social interactions and only twice at night.

    Don’t use your technology as a distraction, as this can become a mindless habit. Take time to appreciate your surroundings and go out of your way to create and enjoy new experiences. Divert your mind to all the other things in your life that you feel grateful for that don’t involve technology. There is a beautiful world surrounding us. Recollect the things that add value and beauty to your life and bring and appreciate them.

    Shut down your devices for periods of time to give yourself a break. Ensure that technology is not controlling you and that you are controlling it.

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