The Gift of Relationships

couple happily ride along green field while woman sits in front kissing partner
by Sandy Hounsell

The gift of a relationship.

When entering into a relationship, do you ‘hope’ that your partnership will all go well?   

Do you see the relationship as something that is part of you and part of your partner with both having equal shares?

Or do you view a relationship as a special gift in which you are both given the opportunity to help each other heal your inner wounding?  A place where you can share your most intimate fears, dreams and ambitions freely and openly?

If you have both come into the relationship baggage free and wholeheartedly showing up as your true selves—fantastic!

Being your authentic self totally believing and accepting of yourselves, and both owning that completely, is one of, it not the main ingredient for a healthy successful relationship. You are not relying on your partner to take ownership for your happiness or to fulfil your individual dreams and aspirations.  Nor do you run the risk of losing your identity in the relationship. That’s when love turns unhealthy.

But let’s face it. Most of us drag our baggage around, sometimes for many, many, years. We get used to it and we unknowingly allow it to determine how our life turns out. It’s the root cause of many of our emotional issues, self-sabotaging habits and fears, which can wreck our chances of loving and being loved without condition.

And it follows us wherever we go.  Those wounds may have been around since we were a beautiful little soul in the womb, waiting for our day to come to enter the world.

Our baggage if not healed, just gets heavier and heavier. That’s because every time certain incidents, like how and what someone communicates, which doesn’t always have to be a negative comment, can trigger a very uncomfortable emotional response.  The effects of which add to the already overburdened cellular memory, piling on more emotional pain.  The longer the baggage remains the less healthy our body and emotional wellbeing.

Girl in Hoddie, uncertain

Growing up feeling abandoned…

or, that you don’t fit in. Or feeling unloved or unimportant. Feeling that you don’t matter, may have you running from one relationship to another trying to desperately inject a sense of belonging and worthiness. Or it may draw you to someone who has similar beliefs, resulting in a relationship of unhealthy co-dependency. Where you both struggle to wholly give and receive love freely.

For example, you may feel like you are in need of a tender embrace and your partner does not respond in the way you want. Instead they withhold their love so you then forget about your needs and attend to theirs instead.  Unconsciously you want them to react in this way as it feeds your need to feel important.

When you allow this dance to continue, energetically you are both on a cycle of push and pull with neither of you ever being in sync to enjoy the wonderful fruits of love.  The constant need for reassurance drains any spark of love bit by bit. Pulling a dark cloud over the love that could be. The focus of your relationship is firmly fixed on the need to fill a need, until all that is left is where you started from in the first place—feeling unloved. 

Relationships cannot be owned by either partner. 

Think of a relationship as a dimension separate to yourself. You and your partner are unique individuals where each one of you steps into the relationship, whilst maintaining your sense of self.  It’s a place where you both share your heart and soul.  The relationship grows and thrives from the joy and celebration of who you are as individuals.    1+1 = 2.

You fuel the life force of the relationship through your individuality and divine uniqueness.  Not by living in the world of your partner and giving up on your dreams or making excuses to yourself that their needs come first.

It can be that in some relationships, there are no partnerships. The relationship does not have life. It isn’t thriving with joy and laughter.  Either one or both partners are unfulfilled, sad, angry or living with a heart filled with resentment.  There is no honest, and by honest, I mean from the heart, communication. There are only false assumptions that partners understand each other needs and wants.

  hands making a heart, love

Relationships are a special gift of love

The relationship does not belong to you. It’s not something you own. It’s a gift that you have been given to nurture and grow through you. It is of your making. And in return, the relationship gives you that place to unravel your fears and limiting beliefs without you being afraid of exploring the inner depths of your being.

It’s a place where you are freely and gladly given the space and time in which to heal at your own pace.  Not by the timeline of your partner.

As you disentangle from the false self within this divine sanctum, so you bring your most beautiful self to the surface. Your authenticity will feed the relationship with the beauty of your soul and with a heart filled with love of you. 

It is you that then thrives and radiates within the relationship. You give it life and meaning through your presence. When you are present and at peace with yourself you are your limitless self. You are your all loving and the all-powerful self, that is pure magic.  And so then is the relationship.

Relationships have life. They are an entity in their own right, that thrive on honest love coming from the heart and not from the ego.

If you are struggling…

to show up as your true self in your relationships or finding that your baggage is getting way too heavy disrupting your chances of healthy fulfilling love, then contact me here at Blisspot now. I am here to help you live a fulfilling healthy love relationship.

 To find out more about Sandy Hounsell, see her profile page.

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