Do I Have to be Healed to Attract my Beloved?

couple happily smiles hugging walking on street along forest in beautiful sunny sky
by Dr. Margaret Paul

Discover the essential ingredient to attracting your beloved and creating a loving relationship.

One of my clients asked me the following question: “Can I attract my beloved if I’m still in the process of healing my inner pain?”

The simple answer is “Yes,” but the actual answer is more complex.

Healing is a process

Healing is an ongoing process of learning to be less judgmental and more compassionate with yourself. Healing pain isn’t just about the past—It’s primarily about how you are currently treating yourself. For example:

  • You judge yourself as not good enough and you feel pain. While you might have learned to do this as a child from others who judged or rejected you, the fact that you are still doing it as an adult means that you are rejecting yourself and re-creating your pain. Your pain will not heal as long as you are rejecting yourself.
  • You avoid your feelings by numbing them with various addictions, or you avoid them by staying focused in your mind and ignoring what is happening inside where your feelings are. This creates a feeling of inner rejection and abandonment, as well as emptiness and neediness. Again, you are re-creating the old pain of not being loved as you were growing up.
  • You tend to make others responsible for your safety and self-worth. They have to approve of you in order for you to feel that you are okay. Your feeling self—your inner child—feels abandoned by you when you give him or her away to others for approval.

As long as you continue to reject and abandon yourself, you will meet partners at your common level of self-abandonment—partners who are also rejecting and abandoning themselves.

But… this person might be your beloved!

If both of you are open to learning to love yourselves, then your relationship has a good chance of evolving into a very loving relationship. Your old and current pain doesn’t have to be healed to meet your beloved. But…both of you need to be willing to do your own inner healing work.

The more you each learn to love yourselves rather than continue to reject and abandon yourselves, the more loving you will become with each other.

It’s not your level of pain that determines whether or not you meet your beloved — it’s your level of openness to learning how to heal old pain and take responsibility for how you might be creating your current pain.

The crucial aspect in meeting your beloved is your intent

Do you want to meet your beloved to learn to share love with each other, or to try to control getting love? When your intention is to learn to love yourself and take responsibility for your own pain and joy, you have a much better chance of meeting someone who is also on the path of healing and learning to share love.

Why? Because, as the Law of Attraction states, “Like attracts like.” This means that we attract at a common frequency. The frequency of trying to get love is low, and you will attract others who are needy, self-abandoning, and trying to get someone else to love them in order for them to feel that they are okay. The frequency of wanting to learn to love yourself and share your love with your beloved is high, so you have a much better chance of attracting someone who wants to share love rather than just get love.

I hope you see that it’s not your level of unhealed pain that determines whether or not you attract your beloved, but your level of openness to taking responsibility for your own feelings and for healing your pain.

To learn more about relationships see: Discovering Self-Love

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