How to Stop Being a Victim

woman climbs mountain in red blue cloudy sky
by Vance Larson

Get your mind out of the gutter. We make it harder than it has to be. We have a bad thought, and suddenly we play out this picture in our head that is the worst-case scenario. I’m guilty of it too but thank God that doesn’t happen too often. I think for me, working with clients, day in and day out, who do this, keeps me in check from doing it myself.

They’re too busy working the problem to be talking about it

While it is true that we can’t predict the day, we can decide on how we will respond to it. I have been blessed to work alongside some people (usually military—special forces), who have a don’t quit attitude. Doesn’t matter the environment or the situation, they’re too busy working on the problem to be talking about it. This is worth repeating again. They’re too busy working on the problem to be talking about it. One of the biggest downfalls for most of us. We talk about our problems, which in turn makes them much bigger than they appear.

I am in no way trying to minimize what you or anyone else is going through. But we have to keep going. Like the old saying: “If you’re going through Hell. Keep going.” Simplistic by nature. A powerful creator. Words hold power. And those words used over and over again start building, regardless if that is our intention or not. Use your words to create. Not devastate.

One of the very first things I look for when I take on a new client is the words they use to describe their situation. Optimistic, pessimistic, victor or victim? The way we talk influences our future. Not only that, but it sets the tone of victor or victim mentality. And when we describe our situation in a victim mentality, guess what that makes us? Right! And that takes away our power, and our ability to engage in solutions.



Yes, there are true victims. Yes, there is a true tragedy. And yes, talking about it can be very therapeutic within the right environment. But to relive it on a daily basis will often grow into a debilitating phobia. And then medication and therapy are soon to follow. Or worse, we go into self-protection mode and suppress our feelings by unhealthy behaviours. And given enough time, some physical ailment will most certainly follow.

So here is my advice. Stop making it hard. If you need to decompress, please do so. But don’t do it every hour of every day. Get it off your chest and move on. If you can’t, or it truly falls into the category of trauma, seek help immediately. Letting it sit will build power. Take it out before it takes you out. Or as my buddies in the special forces say, “Never end the fight.”

Victor or victim. Don’t make it hard.

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