An old joke—My girlfriend and I meant to break up 5 years ago, but they kept opening new restaurants… It’s funny because it’s true. There are a lot of us who should have broken up long ago, but we stayed out of convenience or comfort. And when I say comfort, I mean it was easier to stay. A relationship that does not keep you engaged, or inspired, is a relationship that in many ways is counterproductive.
I truly get it. Very few people want to be alone. And even fewer people who say they do, actually do. Look, if you’re wanting to meet some temporary needs, go ahead and keep on swiping…and there is nothing wrong with that. Just be upfront about what it is that you are doing. More importantly, be safe. But what about those relationships that not only do not feed your soul but actually lead you further away from yourself? You know, the relationship that cost you, friends, because you turned into a different person… for the worse. I think it is better to un-date.
Un-dating is that period that I call when we walk away from unnecessary things and focus on getting back to ourselves. We start making healthier choices that make us close our circle. Because not everyone that we call a friend is a friend. And not everyone that we are in a relationship with, is meant to last forever. Some are meant to teach us. Others are meant to reach us. And if you’re currently in a relationship that is teaching you (in a hard way), you may want to un-date. Find the time to be kind and reset yourself. Do the work. Take a pause on dating and love yourself like you wanted to be loved all along. After all, the way we love ourselves is the way others will love us. So set the bar high.
Another old joke—Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it. Get it? Pain comes with a cost. Might as well un-date and learn cost-free and pain-free. You may feel lonely, but self-love dictates that you are never alone. Use this time and get it right. If you have far more questions than you have answers, un-date. If every day feels like Groundhog Day (movie reference), un-date. If you’re still arguing about the same things as you did last year, un-date. Your person should not be your problem. They should be your sanctuary.
This is that defining moment in your life. Am I talking to you? If there was any hesitation in answering that, un-date.
Book a one-on-one session with Vance Larson, C.H.H.C., M.Ht, and CTC Life, Life coach and counselor here.