The Secret Ingredient to Thriving Relationships

two girls lies on white fluffy carpet smiles at each other
by Vance Larson

I am doing a lot of relationship work with my clients lately. Most are having a hard time finding a suitable partner via dating sites and apps. Why are so many missing the mark? Maybe they’re not discussing their season?

So what do I mean about season? When dating, most people know what they are looking for when it comes to a partner. Yet, many people are not willing to be honest about that up front. The end result. They reach out to a coach or counselor seeking advice as to why? And the “why” to this particular questions is honesty.

I have spoken to so many women (and men) about their dating profiles and history. They do not disclose their true intention. Thus, they end up going on countless dates that are unfulfilling. We need to get in the habit of being truthful. Save yourself the headaches and frustration, and just be honest.

What I see mostly is the women/men not identifying that they are ready to settle down, and are looking for a long term relationship. Why do they do this? The answer most given- Because they do not want to be overlooked and scare someone away. But, if the person is not ready or wanting to be in a committed relationship, why go through all the trouble. If you’re both in a different season, it simply is not going to work. You may have some common interest. You may be perfect for each other on paper. But sooner or later the season will create conflict for you. So maybe it’s best to acknowledge¬†this up front. It doesn’t mean that these people in a different season are bad people. It just means that in terms of dating, they’re bad for you.

Now on the flip side of that coin, there are many who are looking to just netflix and chill. And they don’t state that either. I am seeing more and more of this happen. We take someone who is just coming out of a long term relationship and they don’t want anything heavy. But, they don’t put it out there for the fear of being judged. Again I go back to being honest. If someone is going to judge you because you’re in a different season, they are not the one for you, and why invest any time in dating them in the first place.

All seasons are beautiful.

Dating can be tricky. But we tend to over complicate it by not only be honest. We’re not honest with ourselves. And we’re not honest with the people we date. All seasons are beautiful. Learn to embrace them. Talk about this up front in the very early stages of dating. I have seen way too many scorned because they were in a season of long term love, and they dated a netflix and chill season for a year. And when netflix and chill moved on, they felt betrayed. However, the betrayal was unjust because they never discussed their intentions, or asked what season their partner was in? It’s like spending two years with someone and you find out that they don’t want kids, when that is all you ever wanted. This is heartbreaking stuff.

So what season are you in? If you know, be honest about it. Because if you don’t. You may just find yourself dating someone who has no desire to settle in your season.

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