The Dilemma of Unconscious Self Sabotaging Habits

woman hands on face sadly looks at laptop
by Sandy Hounsell

There are underlying reasons as to why relationships become unhealthy. In many instances, there are unhealed traumas from childhood.

Take for example, the child, who we’ll call Jordan, grows up in a family where his mother habitually criticises his father the moment he steps through the door. No matter what his father does to please his mother, the nit-picking never stops.

Not only is Jordan aware of his mother’s cruel tongue, but every time she abuses his father, he feels his father’s pain. And it cuts deep.

Jordan doesn’t want to feel this pain in his body. It creates a lot of anxiety and worry about his father.

Not only does Jordan become fearful of his mother, he also dreads the day he too may fall fowl of his mother’s cutting words.

Resenting his father…

Whilst feeling very sorry for his father, Jordan also grows up resenting his father’s weakness in not standing up for himself.

And after all, if it wasn’t for his father’s submissive ways, Jordan wouldn’t be experiencing unnecessary hurt by having to endure his father’s suffering.

Growing up, Jordan determines that no woman will ever treat him in the same way.

In all of his relationships he treats women with indifference. He is suspicious of their intent, keeping them at arm’s length.

His emotions are well locked down so no pain can ever enter and disrupt his life. He is on a mission to stay safe and in control.

Along comes Lydia…

Now the woman, who we will call Lydia, who falls in love with Jordan has a hard time getting him to open up and share his heart more deeply.

Whilst very unhappy at the situation and how her relationship with Jordan is panning out, Lydia finds she just can’t leave, even though she thinks about moving out to find real love.

A big part of Lydia unknowingly, is craving the love of her father which she was denied.

Lydia’s father was a cold man. He was indifferent to his wife’s needs and rarely showed her love.

And he acted in the same manner toward his children.

For Lydia, love means rejection; not being listened to and not being considered.

She’s used to it. 

The part of Lydia who is crying out for affection cannot step up and take the necessary action that will get her out of the misery she is suffering. Lydia stays because she is used to rejection, and sticks around hoping that love will come…one day.

Just as she was taught by her father’s actions, Lydia was unconsciously attracted to someone very similar to her father. And that is her dilemma.

That’s why…

In my 1-1 program, we’ll begin by unpicking what’s driving your behaviour today, healing your parenting wounds, childhood hurts and unhealthy programming.

Please contact me now through Blisspot if you want to:

– Turn despair and unhappiness that self-sabotaging habits create in your love life into being free forever of hidden blocks to healthy lasting love

– Get crystal clear on who you want to be in life and who you want to share your life with

– Let your inner beauty shine through to naturally materialise your ideal love without struggle or worry


It really is time to let your heart and soul be your guide to real love.


 To learn more, book a one-on-one session with the Sandy Hounsell, here

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