Could it be that one of the core issues that is holding you back from having the loving relationship you want is unfinished business related to your mum?
I know what that feels like because I had a lot of baggage from my childhood. I saw myself as the victim of a very wounded mother, and I was angry.
I invested a lot of energy in my story until the early years of my marriage when I realised it was causing me a lot of harm.
I could literally feel the rage and contempt that was sitting energetically in my aura and yet I was lost, not having a clue on how to set myself free.
I invested much time and energy reading books and doing courses on forgiveness and wounded child healing.
I wrote letters and burnt them, I punched pillows with all my might, which helped to some degree, but the pain was still intense.
Fast forward now to a few years ago in India where I was contemplating any blockages that were preventing me from living my happiest, most fulfilling life.
What happened next was the realisation that changed me on a deep level.
I was shown how all the negative, toxic energy that I had projected onto my mother had come straight back at me and was the cause of every single problem in my life, including significant relationship problems with my husband in the early years of our marriage.
I saw poison being poured into a container of water and equally dispersing, that container represented my mother and me.
At that moment I felt shame and sadness at my ignorance of dishonouring my mum.
I was shown the sacredness of a mother carrying a child in her womb, this was a profound revelation that still moves me.
The question hurled loudly at me; how could I have done this to my mother and then how could I have done this to myself?
Since then many realisations and insights have come to me in regards to my mums suffering and her difficult life.
My old attachment to my victim mentality, my hard luck story has been replaced by compassion and love. Of course, I feel regret that I was so hard on her when she already had experienced so much trauma.
As the insights flowed, I realised my mother and I were not products of this life alone but that we were carrying the accumulation of pain and woundedness of countless generations of women who have gone before us.
I knew that healing my hurts with my Mum was critical for my personal happiness and well-being.
Does my story resonate with you? Do you have unfinished business with your mother?
Symptoms of a wounded mother relationship include
• Conflict which binds you to your Mother and strangles your life force.
• Feeling stuck in times gone by with patterns of low self-esteem.
• Blocked creativity and disconnection from your feminine essence.
• Problems in relationships especially related to intimacy and real connection.
• Difficulty expressing your needs and setting firm boundaries with others.
Why is healing this relationship so important?
• Your mother relationship sets the foundation for all female relationships.
• As you make peace with your Mum, it heals your relationship with women in general.
• It heals and opens your heart to giving and receiving love, especially from your partner.
• Forgiveness (even if you have no contact) sets you free to live your fullest life.
• It enhances creativity and self-expression.
• Higher self-esteem and self-value and less tolerance of unacceptable behaviours.
• Benefits your children also because they inherit your unfinished lessons
How To Heal Your Mother Wound
• Take ownership of the situation
• Accept her and let go of any need for her to change, because it may NEVER happen
• Know that she is a product of her own conditioning and experiences which are out of your control
• Be that kind and caring mother to yourself
• Tune in to your feelings and emotions and allow yourself to feel
• Practise patience and gentleness with yourself, your mother’s behaviour is not your fault.
• Take time out for yourself every day to do something that brings you pleasure, i.e. spend time in nature, go for a walk
• Keep a journal and write your insight and feelings, just don’t dwell too long on the story
• Be grateful to her, even if she did an abysmal job she would have made sacrifices for you
• Giving up on the long-awaited dream that your mother may change and suddenly become the mother you have always wanted is a crucial step for moving forward.
Thankfully times are changing fast, and women are becoming much more empowered.
Making peace with our mums is an important step forward on our path towards happiness and fulfilmen