The Bliss Blog

Self-Sabotage or Self-Belief?

in Mindfulness
The Author
Deborah Fairfull
This verified expert offers personal coaching services
Posted on June 23, 2016

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

It is common for people to believe they are not getting ahead because they are “self-sabotaging” themselves. I question: "Is the best possible way we can view ourselves when things are not going right for us? Is the voice that is telling us our ego or our kind, loving, wise self?"

 

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Recently I had a one month project deadline. Every possible thing that could go wrong did. I was sick for two weeks with the flu, then each of my three children, one after the other, for the next ten days. I could feel the tension rising. However, I was determined to meet my deadline. It was a great project, and I was excited about the opportunity. I spent a few intensive days at the computer as my deadline drew nearer. During this time every computer problem imaginable seemed to occur, impeding my progress and increasing my stress. In the midst of all this, my beautiful eight-year-old daughter who was sitting alongside me doing her homework said: “you are doing a good job mum, you just have to believe in yourself!” At the time the words were perfectly timed—music to my ears. I knew she was right and relaxed.

Towards the end of the project, just when I thought things were coming together I had an issue with the audio for the online course I was developing. I heard the thought loud and clear in my mind “Am I self-sabotaging myself?” “ Is this a sign that I should just give up on this whole thing right now?” I paused from my work for a moment and thought “Is that thought helping or hindering me right now?” I realised it was not helpful at all. My mind flashed to all the people who had encountered big obstacles while trying to get projects off the ground, but rather than giving up kept going. Richard Branson flashed to mind. He had the most amazing series of obstacles launching his first Virgin Airlines flight but kept going to create one of his dreams.

I thought to myself, if people like that can succeed, yes I can too! Instead of thoughts of self-sabotage (an obstacle itself), I thought: "I am doing well, I am sure there is a way around this technical issue (I used another computer) and went on to finish my project.


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In every moment with awareness of your inner world, you have the ability to choose the best possible supportive thought for you. Creating kind and loving thoughts are great for your health and happiness.

Only love is real, and it speaks with a kind, loving voice just as a loving parent would encourage a child. If a child falls over while trying to walk, would that parent say: "You are sabotaging yourself" or would it say "You are doing a great job. Come on; I will help you up and let us try again". Say “no” to self-sabotage and “yeah” to self-belief. We are powerful creators if we choose to be.

Thoughts of self-sabotage are the talk of fear or the ego that say we are not good enough or wise enough to do the things to do the things we want to do. Fearful thoughts are an illusion. Ask yourself "What you would look like," or "how you would act without those thoughts?"

By Deborah Fairfull

 

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