Part 4: Re-Decide
This task is the ultimate in nervous system mastery, and not for the faint-hearted! It involves courage, clarity about your values, and a willingness to honour your deepest desires and needs even though it is risky. To re-decide means that we revisit the path that we would have naturally taken in life if we had been perfectly supported in childhood to follow our own dreams, wishes and desires. Many of us may have made unconscious decisions during childhood that felt protective at the time but lead us off our true path in life towards the conditions and circumstances that would make our hearts sing.
Are you willing to honour your nervous system to the point of making NEW choices and decisions about how you live your life? If your nervous system tells you that certain people, relationships, environments, workplaces, substances, destinations or situations are a continual source of stress and therefore draining your precious life energy, what is it going to take before you draw a line in the sand and make a new decision about life that is more in alignment?
The Gouldings developed Redecision Therapy in the 70’s, based on the pattern where children make an unconscious decision in the moment their needs are not met, to adapt to the pain of having unmet needs. The unconscious decision may be “I’m unworthy unless I’m working hard” or “I’m unlovable if I make someone angry” and “I should just be a good girl/good boy and please others”. These decisions are based on regulating another person’s nervous system, not the child’s.
To re-decide means to finally honour our own feelings and signals in our physical body, and make choices and decisions in our lives that cause us to feel safe, worthy, at peace, thereby opening us up to infinite possibilities.
To do this, we can use first-person language to cultivate a life that is in line with our nervous system, our values and our desires. Some examples of re-deciding could be:
I want to now create a relationship that is nourishing and supportive
I want to now create a life where my work is valued and celebrated and I feel like I am making a difference
- I want to now create a lifestyle where I feel balanced, calm, joyful and content
Practice saying these statements every day and you become totally aligned with your own desires, and you start to find solutions to the things that are in the way of living a life that is in total alignment with your mind, body and heart.
To learn more about understanding the root causes of your negative emotions and creating life-enhancing behavioral changes see: The Wellbeing Codes