Everything we do is based around our FEELINGS! We watch a romantic movie because it makes us feel good. We buy a new dress because it makes us feel good. We hang out with friends because they make us feel good.
So what do we do when events cause negative feelings within us? We tell ourselves to stop being so stupid. We say it doesn’t matter, when it really does. We try to ignore the negativity and hope it will go away. We decide to fight it yet we don’t know how. We get angry and spiral out of control, then are remorseful and feel even worse. We regret showing others our emotions because we have learned that this is often seen as weakness. We give other people power over how we feel (eg: he makes me mad!) We sometimes mistake our feelings for our personality instead of knowing that they are only a small part of who we are.
Do you know that your thoughts around an external event, impact your feelings about that event and these feelings trigger your actions? So, if you want to feel good about situations and behave well even when anxious or angry, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Easier said than done, I know!
I have a tool to help you. Your own personal, invisible, Remote Control, to be used as a positive trigger that tells your brain to pause, reflect and even rewind when you feel a negative spiral of thoughts taking over.
Our thoughts whiz through our brains 24/7, like an old movie playing on continual repeat. Many of us are not even aware that these thought patterns are happening. One way to check yours is to ask yourself “what genre of movie do I constantly play in my mind?” Is your movie a comedy that makes you laugh, a romance that elicits feelings of love, a thriller that keeps you on your toes or a horror movie that keeps you awake at night? Are you enjoying this movie? Does it make you FEEL good? If not all you have to do is switch to another channel. You are in control! It is your choice. You hold the remote.
Focus on something that brings a sense of peace and satisfaction, maybe a documentary about the wonders of our planet is what you should be feeding your mind. When feeling overwhelmed or tired you can choose to switch your TV (mind) off. Press the stop button on your remote control (positive trigger) and do something to quieten the mind’s chatter ie: meditation/mindfulness.
If you are in the middle of an argument and your feelings are screaming with frustration, ‘press the pause button’, take a few deep breaths, say excuse me and walk away or calmly tell the person you will continue the conversation later. That way you give yourself the space you need to think through the response you really want to give, in a way that will leave you feeling good.
If there are negative habits/thoughts/behaviours recorded on your film, you can rewind and edit or delete them. These clips do not have to be part of your future. The future of your life (thinking and behaviour) is currently blank and you are in control. You can fast forward and put positive triggers into your film. The important thing to remember is that you are not your feelings, you are not your thoughts and you do have power over both. Keep that invisible remote in your pocket and enjoy all the happy, exciting movies you are going to release this year.
To learn more about feelings see: Reignite your Spark
Thankyou for this insightful article Anne, feelings teach us more about ourself.