How to Build a Tribe that Builds You

group of close friends stands facing backward hugging each other looking at sunny sky
by Vance Larson

Like many of you, today I am home and have self quarantined. While I still have a few online clients and for the first time in about a year, I have time to myself. I have had time to get onto social media at times, that I usually would not be able to. As I have been scrolling through my feeds, I thought I really have done a good job surrounding myself with amazing people. Sure, there is some content that does not resonate with me but overall, you all nailed it.

What do I mean about amazing people? I mean people who instead of complaining about this national health crisis, are trying to uplift and offer hope. People who have made it more about we “the community”, than themselves. This is the world that I want to live in. This is the right tribe. 

I am often asked how I deal with conflict. Fair question, but in reality, I rarely have to. Why? Because I am surrounded by the right tribe. That means my people in my personal space are responsible for their energy. Yes, we all have problems but my tribe sees solutions instead of problems. They engage in activities that stimulate growth. When they’re wrong, they’re wrong. They don’t look for blame. They look to course correct even if it is them, that is off course. 

I challenge you to look at your social media wall today. Is it a good experience for you? Or, do you leave feeling depleted? I know of people who spend their entire time on social media not being social. Just like everybody else, I have a huge range of friends that on paper, I have nothing in common with. I do this because I want to learn. Not argue. I have friends who for the life of me, I cannot understand why or what they do? However, do you know what is cool about that? We can disagree and still have a mutually rewarding exchange. No one trying to change each other. No one calling names. Just two people accepting of each others choices and beliefs. And if that ain’t cool, I don’t know what is.

I’ve built a tribe that in return has built me.

People say to me, “Vance, you have a lot of friends. You probably don’t know all those people”. True! However, because I have seen something in their profile that inspired me, I took the time and got to know some of them. I have talked to some on the phone. I met a few in person. I’ve gained a few clients. I have sent gifts to some. Some have sent gifts to me. My relationships have resulted in those who I personally surrounded myself with. I’ve built a tribe that in return has built me. 

Do you have the right tribe? Do they make you think? Do they educate you? Do they support you? At the very least, is there something of value that you walk away with from your social media exchange? No? You’re in the wrong tribe my friend. Let me put it to you this way. If you’re talking to the same people, about the same problems 5 years from now, you have let 1825 days get away from you. The right tribe, just like the right relationship, demands a better version of you. We all will have multiple tribes in our lives, however the one we settle in, defines our future. 

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