We all want to be true to ourselves. However sometimes despite our best efforts, we can find ourselves people-pleasing. That is saying one thing and to be liked we say another. For example, we say yes, to something, and we really want to say, no. This is usually due to our conditioning or programming, where we have been taught to put on a happy face when we are feeling sad, angry, disappointed, hurt or grief inside.
Over time, this can cause a split or a division, causing us to express something that is different to how we really feel. This is how we can develop we walls, masks or a facade that prevents us from be our true self.
When we express our true feelings, it allows us to be authentic (real and genuine), saying what we feel in the present moment. This allows us to have more energy and flow freely with life. It takes more energy to hold down our real feelings and act in another way; ultimately this drains our energy and zaps our vitality.
Being authentic does wonders for our relationships, as others generally feel more comfortable around people who are open, honest and free to be themselves—it gives them permission to do the same. When we are authentic, others sense it and we are more likely to connect with them in a deep and meaningful way.
Step-by-step guide:
- Allow space in your life to feel! When you are quiet, your feelings are more likely to surface and you have the space to recognise what it is you are actually feeling. It can help to take the time to sit somewhere quietly; for example, at the beach, park or in your favourite chair.
- Turn your focus within and observe any feelings, without judgement or analysis.
- Let your feelings flow through your body without reacting, or judging them as good or bad. Just accept the feelings as they are. Developing this skill will help you to become non-reactive and over time you will instead respond to situations in an empowered way.
- Practice validating your and others’ feelings. For example; “I can see how you would feel like that.” This will help you to value others unique perceptive’s, even if different from your own.
- When you have processed your feelings, it is easier to tap into your authentic self; your wise, compassionate and intuitive self. From this space you can speak your truth; say what is real for you, from your heart.
- Being authentic does not always mean being nice. Sometimes being true to yourself, means that you may need to set a boundary or say something to someone, who doesn’t want to hear what you are saying. This can be uncomfortable in the short term, but much better for your relationship in the long term, as it is founded on honesty. If you are authentic, you are more likely to attract authentic people into your life allowing you to have meaningful and honest relationships.
Tip: You can be a happy person yet experience a sad moment. Generally, once you allow your feelings to flow, you will then return to your natural state of happiness. The amount of time this takes depends on the situation and how strong your feelings are.
