Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Nobody else can know what is right for us; what might be fine by their standards may not be fine by ours. If it’s not a win-win situation, it’s not healthy for us. Some people win at another’s expense—this is an imbalanced relationship, and is usually not sustainable in the long term.
Never enable bad behaviour or allow others to treat you with a lack of respect as this gives them the message that this behaviour is acceptable, and the result can end up creating a monster!
Our intuition lets us know if this is the case—we won’t feel good inside, or around that person until a balance is restored. Our soul, our true divine loving, nature knows that there is enough energy and resources for everyone to win and to celebrate each other as fully expanded, shining individuals.
I love the concept of gentle strength—where we are warm, kind and loving—yet have the core strength of a superhero. Gentle strength is expressed when we are kind and loving yet have the courage and strength to stand by and speak up for the things that are important to us. We know our boundaries, our values and ensure that we and others are valued and treated with respect.
If we feel we are winning at someone else’s expense, it’s possible to discover and implement ways to even out the balance. If we’re being dominated, and our needs aren’t being met, our resentment (anger turned inward) is an indication that it is time to set healthy boundaries.
If we put up with behaviour we are not happy with for long periods of time, trying to avoid confrontation, we can explode at the one little thing as a result of pent-up feelings. Alternatively, mean or spiteful acts can occur, hurt people, and aim to seek attention in place of poor communication skills.
These behaviours are unconscious, as when we are in our natural loving state, it is impossible to hurt another. However, by learning conscious ways of doing things positive, life-enhancing changes can be made.
Firstly, if we feel any anger or resentment within, we need to create space and observe that feeling (which may be initially uncomfortable depending on the degree of emotion that has been built up). Observe the emotion, lovingly breathe into it, and create space around it until it starts to dissipate and move.
When calm, ask your intuition what action it is you need to take. With a loved one, you may have to speak to them and kindly, but firmly, tell them that a specific behaviour is not ok, and if they do it again, there will be a consequence.
Make it clear that you love them as a person but that behaviour will not be tolerated. Children sometimes have not received healthy boundaries around relationships and treating others respectfully; they then take this behaviour into adulthood. They, therefore, need boundaries set at this stage so you can be in a relationship that works for both of you, not at one or the other’s expense.
When we respect ourselves, others respect us too. People energetically SENSE how far they can PUSH us and what they can get away with. When we set our boundaries in a kind and loving, yet firm, way, we are stepping from victim into empowered mode—a critical step on our path to emotional freedom.
To discover more about feeling safe in your relationship see: Love Now eCourse