The Bliss Blog

Why it's not Helpful to Take on the Issues of Others

in Relationships
The Author
Dr. Tracey Hunter
This verified expert offers personal coaching services
Posted on May 9

In any system or family unit where there is unhealed wounds in the parents, there will be a seeking out of a figure in the family to take on the healing work of the collective. This usually falls in the lap of a family member who has a strong feminine energy—the one who is the most calm, the most at peace with emotions, the most open-hearted and generous with their loving.

This could be a girl child, a boy child, a mother, or a father. Strong feminine energy can be found in both men and women, boys and girls (although it is more common for females to have strong feminine energy and males to have strong masculine energy).

This member of the family who has been unconsciously and unknowingly identified as the most loving member of the family, will be given the role of “rescuer”. Other wounded members of the family who have yet to take full and conscious responsibility for their own healing, will unconsciously dump their pain on this family member with strong feminine energy. The result is a misuse of the feminine—this member of the family will be given the message that it is his/her JOB to soothe everyone else, take on more of the tasks to relieve everyone else of their own stress, and put their own needs last so that the more wounded members are taken care of. When this member is a CHILD, and they have the task of the emotional caretaking of their parents (e.g., a depressed mother, an alcoholic father—both with unhealed wounds), then this child will be robbed of the most energising aspect of their feminine energy – playfulness, spontaneity, pleasure, joy, unbridled excitement, curiosity, wonder and awe of life. 

The healing of this intergenerational trauma and misuse of the feminine, is when the one put in the role of rescuer hands the task of emotional healing and loving back to the wounded members of the family. This is a 2-way loving act—it frees the SELF from the draining energy of taking responsibility for other’s negative emotions (a completely fruitless task), thereby freeing up the most life-energising aspect of feminine energy. It also gives the wounded members of the family the gift of self-healing and discovering the strong loving presence already available within their own hearts.

This healing process can occur at any point down the family line—Baby Boomers entering therapy for the first time in their entire lives. Generation X learning boundaries and how to say a loving “No”. Generation Y doing inner work before settling down and marrying out of cultural duty. And as for Generation Z the types of relationships and families that they create in the next 10–20 years from now, and the natural levels of joy in the feminine partners, will give us an indication of where the world is at with healing intergenerational trauma and the misuse of the feminine.

 

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