4 Tips to Increase Your Confidence

woman stands discussing with colleges in co working room
by Aaron Force

Some people seem to radiate confidence in every situation. Others flounder and falter with it, barely able to scrape enough together to get up off the couch and face life.

Even the most confident people on earth find themselves in situations where their confidence is tested. Still, others might go through times where they are not at the top of their confidence game.

If you need a confidence pick-me-up, here are four powerful tips to increase your confidence:

1. Be Real

Be Authentic

Authenticity is being free to explore and adapt while staying fundamentally true to our values. If we violate those basic values then we ultimately betray ourselves. Once that happens we have compromised.

Compromise has several possible, negative outcomes but one clear one is that our conscience will be violated. When this happens we are not whole and, if only subconsciously, our confidence will be crippled.

A violated conscience worries about being found out, fears what others will think, and focuses on possible negative outcomes of the action committed.

But, when we live according to our values we protect our confidence. As we pursue things in-line with our values we can actually grow it.

Stay true to your convictions and your confidence will increase.

Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability is when we open ourselves up to others despite the possible risk to our reputation. It embraces our personal imperfection and admits that we might be at a lower standard than we perceive others may hold us to. It trusts another person to accept us for who we are.

By losing the standard of perfection and recognizing that we are going to mess up, we take away the element of self-critique—the voice inside our heads that says, “You’re doing it wrong.”

We also take away the fear of “being found out” as less than perfect. When we accept ourselves as we are “we keep it real” with ourselves and others. We are free to live in our authenticity and our confidence naturally blossoms.

Although it might seem backward to gaining more confidence, the more vulnerable you are, the more you will have.

2. Be Free

Let Go

Release your fears and trust that you will be able to ad-lib and adapt. If you have to fight to be in complete control every moment the tension will eat your confidence alive. You will be full of doubt.

But if you can trust that things will work out in every situation your confidence will naturally soar. You won’t have any cause for doubt at all.

This is when your life will start to take on a sense of power. This level of trust and faith is what can open the doors to opportunity.

If you want greater confidence, it goes without saying that you need to let go and learn to trust.

Lighten Up

Having fun makes life so much more… fun. Fun doesn’t worry about perfection.

In fact, like humor (things that are fun-ny), fun deviates from an expectation of being perfect through Benign Violation Theory. It’s how you handle a goof-up flawlessly—you springboard off it because mistakes are all part of life.

If you can honestly look at yourself and see that you are taking life too seriously or that you are not a very good sport when things don’t go your way, try lightening up.

By having fun you don’t have to worry about your mistakes and your confidence won’t miss a beat.

3. Eliminate Judgement and Comparison

Don’t Judge Others

Matthew 7:1 tells us, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.” The last thing we want when we are trying to build confidence is to be judged back.

When we cast judgment on others, our sub-conscious recognizes it. It comes back to haunt us in the form of wondering if we are falling under the same scrutiny by others. By judging others we actually sentence ourselves.

Judgment is a spiritual block. Anytime we engage in it we reverse the beneficial flow of God’s blessing. When we stop that spiritual flow we choke out everything that is helpful and empowering and that includes confidence. It’s impossible to be truly confident when you know God isn’t in complete agreement with how you think of others.

Your confidence will increase in proportion to the degree that you stop judging others.

Understand You are Your Only Competition

We live in the era of the ego. Our sense of meaning and our self-image comes from comparison. We constantly grade ourselves on the curve hoping to come out at the top of the class.

But that type of experience has a predatory feel to it because we make ourselves the prey. How can there be any confidence when we feel like we are about to lose first place to a world of competitors?

Instead, by just focusing on our game with our personal strengths we bring a very natural type of control back. And control always relates to confidence.

Grow your confidence by playing your own game.

4. Just Be Confident

If all else fails, just do your best to be confident.

Confidence produces the “Halo Effect,” a mental prejudice where someone judges us more favorably in other areas because of a perceived strength elsewhere. If we appear to have confidence, even if we fake it, others will be more forgiving in our shortcomings.

The Halo Effect is extremely powerful. Our perceived confidence puts rose-colored glasses on those who might be watching us. When we do slip-up, others don’t see it as much or might just attribute it to an “off-day.”

If we can know that others aren’t looking at us so critically, we will develop confidence as a natural byproduct.

Believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable ~ Emily Guay

What is your tip for increasing confidence? Add tip #5 in the comments below!

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1 thought on “4 Tips to Increase Your Confidence”

  1. Deborah Fairfull

    Tip #5 being kind to yourself increases your confidence, as in an environment of kindness you relax and automatically feel more confident than when you feel worried or stressed. Great article Aaron, I love your "Halo Effect" concept. Thanks for the hot tips.

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