I received the following request from a member of Inner Bonding Village:
“I was just thinking that it would be helpful to understand how Inner Bonding helps us with the following: We tend to judge or be critical of others in our lives—at work, strangers, relationships of all types, with people we come in contact with in our lives. We see them as people we criticize for whatever reason—they annoy us, irritate us, or we see them as too fat, too thin, too bald, too much hair, too cute, whatever. We treat others around us in the workplace or other places with contempt or just plain don’t like them for whatever selfish reason. How does inner bonding fit into this? I can think of people at work whom I really don’t like being with for whatever reason. We tend to judge and be critical and non-empathetic, including drivers, phone solicitors, etc. How can Inner Bonding help us with this negative outlook of others, and why is this so common? Thanks—an article on this would be helpful.”
The Wounded Self Protects With Projection And Judgments
1. Projection occurs when we unconsciously deny our own thoughts, emotions, and attributes, and then ascribe these to others. For example, if you are angry and denying your anger, you might believe that another person is angry. You are projecting your anger on to the other person, believing that he or she is the angry one instead of you.
When we judge others, it is often because we are unconsciously judging ourselves and then projecting that judgement onto others. Our annoyance and irritation are projections of our own inner child’s annoyance and irritation at us for our unloving treatment toward ourselves.
2. Judging others is one of the major ways the wounded self protects against your own core painful feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, and helplessness over others. The more you focus on what is wrong with others, the less you are focusing on being present with yourself and your own feelings.
3. Judging others is a way that the wounded self tries to cover up its core shame—feeling inadequate, insecure, unlovable, and unimportant. Core shame is the basis of the wounded self, so the wounded self always feels like there is something wrong with you. Judging others is a way of covering up the core shame.
Practicing Inner Bonding Heals The Underlying Self-Abandonment
When you practice Inner Bonding, you become more and more conscious of your own feelings and thoughts. You discover the self-judgments that come from your wounded self that cause much of your anxiety. The more you practice Inner Bonding and move out of self-judgment and into kindness and compassion for your feelings, the more you will naturally be more compassionate with others’ feelings and behavior. As you practice Inner Bonding and learn to treat yourself lovingly, you gradually find yourself treating others lovingly as well.
When you practice Inner Bonding and learn to know your true essence through the eyes of your spiritual guidance, you heal your core shame. When you know the beauty of who you really are, you are then able to see and value the essence of others. Rather than judging people for their outer qualities, you are now able to connect with their inner qualities.