The Bliss Blog

Saying those Tricky Things

in Relationships
The Author
Blisspot
Posted on July 17, 2016

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Relationships can be confusing. When there are conflicts or challenging times it is common to wonder “Whose fault it is?” To ask questions such as: Is it me? Is it my partner? Who’s right or wrong? Sometimes when we are facing challenges in our relationships, we may want to go to others for advice.

 

  Learn more about Emotional Intelligence here  

 

When we are confused or unsure about things, having people we can trust and be vulnerable with, can help us go deeper in exploring our inner world. It is important that we share our inner world with someone that we trust—someone who has the maturity not to judge, criticise, gossip, or give us advice unless we ask for it. These people are treasures in our life and are a wonderful sounding board to help us know ourselves better.

communication that works


As adults only we can know what is right for us. We all have our values and things that are important to us. In times of stress and confusion, it is possible to develop the skills to tap into our inner stillness and find our unique solutions. To do this, create a quiet space, in meditation or nature for example. Ask yourself what it is you need to know and allow the answer to come. If it is wise and compassionate, rather than fear-based, you will know it’s your inner guidance speaking to you. It will feel right for you. Common names for this guidance include your Intuition, Higher Self, Love, God, Buddha, The Universal Intelligence and The Matrix.

When taking advice from others (which can be helpful), just remember to check inwardly that it resonates with you before acting upon it.

In conscious relationships, learning to go beyond our thoughts and emotions, driven by our conditioning, allows us to create a clear, strong connection to our inner guidance. This gives us direction and support in making the best possible choices for ourselves. When we are happy, we radiate happiness, putting us in an optimum state to contribute to our relationships with love and joy.

Saying what we mean

It is empowering to learn to tap into and listen to our inner source of wisdom. However, in relationships, when we know what our inner wisdom is telling us, we sometimes also need to develop the courage to speak our truth. Being true to ourselves is not always easy, as our intuition can be telling us things we know are true but don’t want to hear. For example, we may be in a relationship that compromises the things that are important to us, such as honesty and respect. We may do this because we want to have the financial security that a relationship provides.

When we compromise in our relationships, rather than confronting and sorting out our issues, we are settling for a relationship that is second best. When we are not true to our values, we will feel this inside, as something is not quite right. Our body wants us to be fully awakened and living a glorious, wonderful life as a full expression of ourselves.

A conscious relationship is a first-class relationship where we get to relate to each other as the true expression of love, that we are. Jesus is seen to be a fully realised enlightened human being, yet speaking his truth was not always easy. When Jesus felt so passionately about something, he knew that expressing his truth was the right thing to do. For example, when people were selling animals for sacrifice in the temple, he was filled with rage and took action. He told them all to get out of the temple as it was designed for worship, not commerce.

Jesus did not accept second best; he expected the best of people—to act kindly, honestly and with integrity. We have the right to expect first-class treatment, including being treated lovingly and respectfully in our relationships. We owe it to others to treat them in the same way. If our intuition is telling us something is amiss, it is important to speak our truth about the matter.

We will get better results when “speaking our truth” if we do so when we are in a loving place. When we are reacting to something, it can mean that we are speaking from an angry or fearful place. The person we are speaking to can feel attacked, making it difficult if not impossible for them to hear what we are saying. 

communicating effectively


Process any reactive feelings by:

  1. Stay with the reactive feeling such as anger or sadness—rather than closing your heart to your feelings, stay open to them.
  2. Let the emotion flow by observing it with love.
  3. Observe any tension or physical sensation in your body in a non-judgmental way. Do not judge or analyse why the feelings occurred in the first place.

Practising compassion and kindness towards your feelings, not only heals any past emotional wounds, but it also transforms your inner world from fear to love. This process allows you to let go of things that no longer serve you. When you resist your feelings, it can keep them stuck in your energetic system, rather than allowing them to flow through your body.

When we are free of reactivity and feel clear, it allows us to receive undistorted messages from our intuition so we know what it is we would like to say. We are then more likely to receive a positive response when we approach the subject with our partner.

The way that we approach our partner to talk about what could be a difficult subject is very important. Studies by John Gottman have shown that conversations often end up the way they begin. His research discovered that when we approach problems gently—in a light and easy way, without blame—we have the best chance of the conversation ending up that same way. Gentleness helps us to maintain and strengthen the loving bonds in relationships.

As well as speaking our truth to others, it is important to speak our truth to yourself. When we cultivate our inner voice and listen to its loving wisdom, it guides us to live the fully expanded life we are born to live.

 

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To discover more about relationships see: Love Now eCourse

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