She sat in my office crying, wondering why she was such a bad person? I told her she is not, because that debt has been paid. I see this scenario play out all too often in relationships. When the debt has been settled, you do not need to keep paying interest.
She was at a party 6 years ago with her boyfriend. He drifted off with his friends, and she was left to fend for herself. Long story short, she had a couple of drinks under her belt and ended up kissing another guy. One kiss, numbers weren’t exchanged, and is instantly regretted. On the way home, she was feeling guilty, so she confessed to her boyfriend. They stayed together, but he made her life a living Hell for the following year. To this day, he still brings it up to gain leverage, whenever they are having an argument. I told her that she is paying for past sins.
Focus on Your Present
We all make mistakes. Some of us, continue to make them over and over again. But here’s the thing… in the case of my client, he stayed with her. 6 years have passed. And now they have a child together. I later told him the same thing I am telling you. Once the tab has been paid, you don’t have to pay it again. And if the person you’re with continues to send you the bill, you need to realize that it has nothing to do with you. Even if she had slept with the guy, her boyfriend forgave her, and she has done everything right since then. He said “the tab had not been paid, more like settled.” I said, “you agreed to the terms, you cannot continue charge interest.”
Take a lover that doesn’t keep a ledger. Either you work things out in real time, or you suffer for years to come. But sometimes it’s not our lover. Sometimes it’s our inner circle, or even our blood. There isn’t a woman who hasn’t blessed me as much as my mother…with the exception of my beautiful wife. But as a child, I went through a dark time between the ages or 17-22. To this day, my mother still brings that time up, despite being 56 years old. While we have a very loving relationship, I have to shut that down whenever the conversation turns to that subject. She gets it and then quickly say’s she is proud of me. But I wonder how many people don’t get that luxury?
Do not let the people in your life demean you when you are doing the right thing—over time, you will start may start to believe in the negativity.
You are not your past. You will make mistakes in the future. We all will. Make sure your circle will cheer for you. There is no need for yourself or the people you love to keep track of your past.
Focus on the now and the beauty in yourself and others to build a bright future.
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