Why Releasing Pain from Your Heart Gives you the Freedom to Be

hands on chest
by Tony Fahkry

Love Must Flow Through You

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.
~ Rumi

Emotional pain strikes at the core of our being and can leave us feeling vulnerable in the weakest places.

Whether it’s pain accumulated from childhood or an intimate relationship dissolving, there’s a tendency to shut down afterwards.

People refer to the deep hurt that consumes them in the wake of a stressful experience. When they’re asked where it hurts, they point to their chest.

This is because the heart gives and receives love. So when you experience sadness or disappointment, it is natural to feel your heart is breaking.

The term heartbroken refers to the heart being pulled apart through grief or sadness. The good and bad news is that none of us are immune to it unless you’ve been living under a rock, which I trust is not the case.

Nevertheless, you cannot hold on to feelings of sadness and disappointment because doing so means to inhibit life flowing through you. It is akin to building a dam from piles of rocks in a flowing river. Eventually, the force of the water will erode the rocks or find its way through it.

Author Davidji writes in Sacred Powers: The Five Secrets to Awakening Transformation: “What has happened in the past can’t be changed. We can’t unring the bell, but we can move forward….and how you choose to move forward from this moment, is the choice that will determine the fabric of your life.”

Whilst pain can destroy your self-esteem, it will naturally recede and open your heart again. Love must flow through you because your core nature is vested in love.

Despite the hatred and evil in the world, love is the most powerful energy. Its healing ability shows that it is a powerful force in our lives.

No doubt if you’re reading this, you have been hurt before. Perhaps you are still carrying the pain and refusing to let go because who would you be without the pain?

It is difficult to release pain following a traumatic experience. There’s a sense of numbness, and emptiness in places you never knew existed. It’s natural to protect yourself by vowing never to be hurt again.

But as you know, the wall you build to protect you is the same wall that prevents love finding its way into your life. Remember my earlier metaphor of the dam built of rocks. Ultimately the wall will must come down if you wish to find the freedom to be yourself again.

“Vulnerability is an essential part of being human, and vulnerabilities are the doorways back into peace, joy, and love,” explains author Mary O’Malley in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

Heal Your Wounds

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
~ Khalil Gibran

I want you to know it is natural to protect yourself.

It is natural to experience hurt when the pain is too much to bear.

It is natural to cry yourself to sleep because nothing else makes sense, other than to identify with your emotional wounds.

I know what it’s like because I have experienced deep emotional pain throughout my life. However, I assure you, in the months and years that followed, it was the most pivotal point in my life.

I discovered the emotional pain settles and what is left is a most beautiful and expansive energy of love that has always been there.

“It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it,” says Mary O’Malley.

I liken it to moon gazing, where the clouds sometimes obscure the moon. Yet, when the clouds pass, a full moon reveals itself hidden briefly beneath the cover of clouds.

The same is true of your pain. You can hold on to the pain or choose forgiveness and self-compassion, so love flows through you once more.

The pain associated with heartbreak is the heart’s shell breaking open so love can flow freely.

Mary O’Malley says: “The more open your heart is, the more you have access to your natural state of peace, well-being, and ease, no matter what is happening.”

You are the embodiment of love. Pain and disappointment are transitory states unless you attach yourself to them.

Girl at the Beach

Renew The Love In Your Heart

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
~ Joseph Campbell

How do you let go of the pain?

First, forgive yourself and others who contributed to your pain. If you need professional guidance, seek a trained counsellor or therapist who can direct your healing.

Forgiveness is the entry fee you pay for the freedom to be yourself once more. If the wall you constructed is your shield of protection, then forgiveness is the doorway through it. It shows you how to find inner peace, knowing you can withstand the torrents of life.

Forgiveness is the key to a better life and the freedom to experience the gentleness of love within your heart.

It is author Matt Kahn who states in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: “Through the welcoming of any feeling, cellular debris is released out of your energy field.”

Second, lean in to your pain and experience it at your own pace. Naturally, what you stow away builds energy, so the emotional wounds will consume you. I’ve spent the past decade coaching clients who experienced physical symptoms as a result of deferring their emotional pain.

In collaboration with trained therapists, I helped the individual to heal their emotional and physical pain so they were able to discover freedom within themselves.

By drawing on mindfulness and self-compassion, your emotional wounds can be transformed.

It was Jill Bolte Taylor, a respected neuroanatomist, who suffered a stroke and wrote about it in My Stroke of Insight. She states: “It takes an emotion two-and-a-half minutes to move through your nervous system,” even debilitating emotions such as anger, sadness or grief. Yet many people hold on to their emotions for decades, to protect themselves from being hurt again while creating physical illness in their body.

Psychotherapist Linda Graham MFT writes in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being: “Processing an emotion entails perceiving it, acknowledging it, being with it, taking whatever information is useful from it, and then letting the wave move through the body (as it naturally will if we don’t grip it or feed it).”

Finally, make peace with the part of you that feels anger, fear, sadness or grief. Accept these emotions instead of pushing them down. Let go of guilt since it keeps you trapped and does little to transform your pain.

I don’t want to justify why bad things happen because I don’t have the answers and if I did, I would caution you to run quickly.

However, what I can say is that I’ve experienced pain and suffering at the deepest level and know there’s a reason why I attracted it. You may discover your reason or you may not.

Either way, I urge you not to focus on WHY an experience occurs, but how you can transform and heal the pain. Pay attention to HOW can you heal yourself and reclaim your freedom by renewing the love in your heart.

Only then will you have integrated the experience into the wholeness of your being and allowed the emotional intensity to dissipate through you.

After all, pain is not who you are, but something you experienced and you have the power to revoke anytime you choose.

To learn more about self-esteem see: How to Master your Emotions

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