When it’s Loving for You to Control and When it’s Not

couple having conflict arguing in living room
by Dr. Margaret Paul

Discover when controlling opens your heart and when it closes you down and blocks your connection with your spiritual guidance

The kind of control that actually blocks our ability to access spirit is when we try to control what we can’t control such as others’ feelings and actions, and outcomes of events. We also block our access to spirit when we try to control our own feelings with our various forms of self-abandonment—staying in our heads, judging ourselves, turning to addictions, and making others responsible for our worth and safety. All these attempts to control lower our frequency and make it very hard to access our guidance. We cut ourselves off from the ongoing flow of love and truth when we lower our own frequency through our own unloving thoughts and actions.

I often hear from clients that they have a hard time connecting with their spiritual guidance, and they wonder why. They also get confused about when controlling creates a problem and when it doesn’t.

When It is Loving to Control

However, controlling the things that actually are within our control is completely different. It is loving for us to control:

  • Our own intent — whether to act out from our wounded self, with an intent to control our feelings, others, and outcomes; or to operate from our loving adult, with an intent to learn about loving ourselves and sharing our love with others
  • The thoughts and actions — both toward ourselves and others — that follow from our intent
  • Who we choose to spend time with
  • How we choose to spend our time
  • Our own living environment
  • Our own choices, regarding taking responsibility for ourselves — emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally, organizationally, and financially

When you aren’t able to access your spiritual guidance, see if you can move into a place of curiosity, and notice what you are trying to control. While the spirit is always here and always flowing into and through you, you cannot experience the love and truth of spirit when your frequency is too low, due to trying to have control of that over which you have no control.

Your Guidance is Always Here For You

It’s often hard to comprehend that it is we who block our own experience of spirit, rather than that spirit is not here for us. Spirit is always here for us. It is not possible for the love and truth that is spirit to not be here, any more than it is possible for the air we breathe or the gravity that holds us on the planet to disappear. The complaint, “God is not here for me,” is a huge false belief. The truth is that when you are not here for yourself, you cannot feel God’s love for you.

Complaining that God has abandoned you is like complaining that there is no air to breathe when you are holding your breath

Every cell in our bodies is being informed by the energy of the universe (to understand this, read “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton). We would not be alive without God/Spirit/Universe enlivening and informing each of our trillions of cells. This process happens automatically, without our conscious thought. But to experience the truth, love and comfort of your higher guidance, you need to keep learning about all of the overt and subtle ways you attempt to control that which is unloving to try to control, as well as that which you can’t control.

This is a major part of what the intent to learn is all about—compassionately learning the truth, without judgment, about the layers of control all of us have learned. The more we let go of these layers of control, the more we experience the love and truth of our higher guidance.

To learn more about love control see: Discovering Self-Love

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