Overcoming Fear to Create Healthy Relationships

woman sadly sits on white couch looking at old model cellphone worrying
by Sandy Hounsell

I’ve been thinking about all the women who are looking for love and who are so fed up with attracting the same guys over and over. They are beginning to lose confidence and faith in not making the right choices and ending up with guys they just don’t like. Frustration is also running high at repeating the same old mistakes.

But now they find themselves at home…. Alone.

It may at first feel good that being home alone as they can browse the online dating apps from a safe distance and spend some time thinking about their choices and have some fun having a go at all these losers. Yay!

But this is a false sense of security.

23 hours a day confinement at home will prompt old forgotten fears to come calling. Up to now they have been cleverly, but unconsciously suppressed by hiding in their work. And by a mind absorbed by the frustration and annoyance of meeting men who they feel are a waste of time.

The real issue though of being drawn to the wrong guy, which up to now has been cleverly but unconsciously avoided, is just becoming to surface in the confines and silence of the home. And being at home alone is no longer feeling so good as the realisation of ‘being alone, on my own’ is now a dawning. Being home alone with her feelings is now also feeling very scary. Now the silence and emptiness highlights the fear of being alone.

Fears will surface…

Fears will surface when our life changes very suddenly. Sudden change can throw us into turmoil and unease as it kicks us hard out of our comfort zone. The past will always catch up with us in one form or another. So, when past trauma and pain is left unhealed, the fears and beliefs that have grown from that trauma will run our lives until we take loving action to heal. For most of those fears and believes we are unaware.  They have been buried in a deeper part of mind and now are out of sight.

Attracting the wrong men…

When deeply held fears that we have unconsciously adopted and grown up with suddenly rear their ugly head, it’s a message that it’s time to heal.  

Those beliefs of ‘never finding true love’, or ‘I always attract losers’, or ‘I’m not worthy of real love’, are the root cause of why some women have such a hard time finding healthy love. Beliefs like these are as result of how we were taught to love or not love our self when young.

If your family environment felt unsafe, you would grow up feeling unsafe. Which means being afraid to be yourself and to express yourself without fear of rejection or ridicule. By choosing losers ensures you stay safe. There is no chance of rejection when you continually pick men who are emotionally not ready to give you what you want.  

False fears have no place in your love life…

They separate you from your true self. You cannot be true to yourself all the while they decide your outcomes and who you attract. They get in your way, creating obstacles that stop you from realising your desires of having an authentic loving relationship.

For the type of love you deserve  and long for, you need to embrace your whole self. Not ignore any parts of you labouring in hurt. So why hide your beautiful self under a pile of fear? If you want to find the one that is right for you and who will love you for who you are wholeheartedly and without condition, then message me here at Blisspot.  I’m here to help you.




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