Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Making peace with your past helps you to experience the present more fully. In a present state, your attitude toward life becomes lighter. If thoughts about the past are negative, they can consume your energy and make you feel heavy and tired. If you are carrying resentment or unresolved issues from the past (often these are unconscious), ??it can be ??difficult ??to ??feel ??truly happy. ??You may ??find you are not fully in the “here and now” and able to absorb the true beauty of life, which occurs moment to moment.
Unresolved issues from the past can often result in seeing problems in others that don’t belong to them. The problems can be a reflection of ?? how ?? you ?? are ?? Feeling inside. In the world of psychology, this is called projection. Projection can be a wonderful tool to learn more about you. If you see problems in others, it can be helpful to take responsibility for how you feel rather than blaming them. This gives you the opportunity to learn more about what your feelings are trying to tell you. When others have certain feelings that give them the opportunity to learn more about themselves. When people take responsibility for other people’s feelings, this is called codependency. It is wise to take responsibility for your feelings and let other people take responsibility for theirs; this gives everyone a sense of empowerment and freedom.
The first step ??toward letting go of ??any unresolved ??feelings ??is to accept them. For example, before someone can learn to process anger constructively, they have to accept and take responsibility that they have a problem dealing with anger. From this place of acceptance, rather than denial, you can move to where you would like to be. Change begins with awareness. You maintain the things you resist. All pain is a resistance of some sort. When left unresolved, uncomfortable or unhappy feelings about the past can weigh you down physically and emotionally. Unresolved emotions are often referred to as baggage. Baggage can spill over to others and create unpleasant relationships. Insight regarding yourself and expanding your awareness are the keys to creating a peaceful relationship with yourself and with the people around you.
The quality of your current relationships is usually a good indicator of the peace you feel. ?? within. ?? For ?? example, ?? you ?? may ?? continually ?? find ?? yourself ?? In relationships where your partner leaves you, and you feel abandoned. You may begin to feel frustrated and annoyed that this situation keeps reoccurring. You could keep blaming your partners or take responsibility by looking at your patterns to see why the same situation keeps happening.
When you take responsibility for your patterns, you begin to develop the skills to create your life from choice. Upon further ??investigation, ??you ??may ??realise ??that ??when ??you ??were five years old your father suddenly left the family, and you felt abandoned. You did not fully express and process your emotions around your father leaving at the time. The feelings from this situation keep coming to the surface in your current relationships, giving you the opportunity to heal them.
These feelings will reoccur until you consciously understand why the feelings are there in the first place. This will help you grow and develop emotionally. Rather than continually recreating the same patterns in your life, you will be able to create consciously the relationship you desire.When you confront, accept, and integrate unresolved issues, you will find the quality of your day-to-day life improves.
The energy used to hold down, or repress, unhappy memories will instead be used to create a more joyous life. You are designed for well-being and happiness. Your body keeps giving you signals to guide you toward this natural state.
If life is viewed as a teacher, it then becomes just that. Unless the painful lessons of life, which we deal ourselves, are transformed, through humility, into gateways to growth and development, they are wasted.
You may find yourself?? in unwanted situations, until?? You learn the lesson. For example, you might find yourself feeling ??overlooked ??at ??work. ??You ??may ??leave ??and ??continue ??to ??find ??yourself feeling overlooked at the next place you work. When you stop blaming the external situation—work—and see it as a reoccurring pattern within, you will be able to make some lasting changes. By confronting the feeling of being overlooked, which you may have felt at various stages throughout your life, you will be getting to the core of the issue. You may have come from a large family and constantly felt overlooked, for example. The ??patterns ??we ??have ??inside ??us ??are ??reflected ??in ??our ??outer ??world. ??
Becoming consciously aware of the pattern and even voicing it out loud can sometimes be enough to heal it. This is because when you are conscious of a situation, you can make choices around it. If you are unconscious regarding your behaviour or patterns, they make the choices and drive you. That is how you end up in situations you don’t want, as though you are on autopilot! If you have been involved in trauma in the past and did not have the opportunity to move through the natural stages of healing, such as anger, sadness, hurt, and peace—it ?? can be beneficial to?? look?? At issue.?? For example, if you suffered some abuse while you were young, you may have problems trusting people as an adult. However, it can be helpful to come to a place of peace and compassion regarding any past abusive incidents, letting them go and recognising they had nothing to do with you. Letting go of unresolved issues helps you to form more loving relationships as an adult.
Acceptance and forgiveness are powerful tools in achieving inner peace. Insight and understanding will help you see that everybody does the best they can with the skills they have at the time, and this applies to you too! I believe there are no exceptions to this rule. Seeing and understanding are the way to love and compassion. When we view our own and others’ humanness with kindness, then the world will evolve to being more peaceful and harmonious. The journey begins with us! Everyone has a past. The difference is if your past unconsciously drives you to act out behaviours that you later regret or are in situations that make you unhappy.
Unhealthy relationships, drinking problems, gambling, smoking, overworking and overeating are examples of behaviours people engage in to stop feeling painful feelings. This ultimately only numbs the feelings and prolongs the healing process. If addictions have formed in the areas of alcohol, drugs, and gambling, for example, professional groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous may be required. Such groups provide loving support and are experts in teaching people in how to deal with their feelings in ways other than addiction and its harmful side effects.
When you accept your past as it was, you can begin to understand the way it has helped shape your character giving you unique qualities, insights, and depth that you may not have otherwise experienced. Your life’s journey can be a wonderful teacher, helping you to develop compassion, expand your awareness, and open your heart.
As within, so without.
To discover more about making peace with your past see: Bliss Every Day eCourse