I am seeing more and more clients coming to me with the problem of infidelity. A leopards can’t change their spots, but luckily you’re not a leopard. The men and women who have cheated, can.
We’ve all heard the term Once a cheater, always a cheater however in reality, that is not true. The good news is it is entirely possible to overcome infidelity. It’s certainly not going to be easy, but it can be done. In fact, some couples actually report an intimacy that they never felt before. Why? Because there is a level of transparency (if both are fully invested in saving the relationship), that both have committed to. In order to move forward and build trust again, you must be willing to have the tough conversations.
Many infidelities occur when the couple stops communicating with each other. When this happens, sometimes people look for someone else to listen to them. In many cases, this begins completely innocently. However, what happens is intimacy builds. That same intimacy that they once shared with their spouse. While some people cheat out of pure physical attraction, more often than not, they cheat for connectedness. I read an article just the other day that states, the number one reason why men cheat is because they desire an ego boost. The point is, we (all) desire connection. And it is hard to maintain a connection if we aren’t communicating.
How many things did you used to do that you don’t do now? Quite a few I bet. Some good, some bad. You don’t do them now because you outgrew them, they no longer hold your interest, or they simply don’t serve you. People change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. And while leopards can’t change their spots, you are not a leopard so your can choose not to take on that limiting belief. If you want to change, be honest because honesty breeds intimacy and intimacy breeds monogamy. Total trust, total vulnerability that you will never develop having multiple relationships.
So don’t sweat it. You may have spots now but you’re not a leopard and you’re only stuck with them if you want to be.
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