How to Reboot Your Relationship

couple holds hands
by Vance Larson

I call BS! And I’m not ashamed to admit that I have had to call BS on myself from time to time. Far too many men are not acting like men. This isn’t about judgement. This is about intimacy in its highest form. Let us suspend talking about what we are not getting from our significant other. We have no control over that. But what we do have control of is how we treat out partners. And how we treat them speaks to how we really feel about ourselves.

If you need all the conditions to be right to treat your lady like a lady, you’re not acting a man. If you need for all of your needs to be met before you treat your wife or girlfriend like a lady, that is not an act of intimacy. That is an act of doing business. Conditions of equality in a relationship are not based on “what have you done for me lately?” They are based on; “You are my love, my true north. And if I need to carry the relationship from time to time, I don’t think twice about it, and I certainly don’t keep score.”

I already hear some of you reading this pushing back. I hear it all the time (from both sides) in my professional life. Forget what you’re not getting from your relationship. Focus on what you are getting. I am not talking about any form of abuse or infidelity, or anything else along those lines. I am talking about the basic courtesy that we often extend to strangers and not to our partners. Is this you?

Some become complacent in terms of their relationship. Some hold back intimacy because they feel that they aren’t being treated with respect. And while this happens, how many of us are capable, let alone motivated enough to ask ourselves if we are truly giving our best to our partner? It is mush easier for us to use some form of blame shifting so we don’t have to confront ourselves. That if you’re not giving your best, that is somehow okay for me not give my best. So I say it again. BS!

There are so many ways that we get off course. We get lazy. We keep score. We try and penalize them when we don’t get our way. We emotionally disconnect. We show blatant disrespect. These are all forms of self sabotage. It lowers the bar. It takes the relationship out of the love zone and into the like zone. It sends a message that my energy is not worth investing. When in reality, it speaks to the fact that you are not a closer. Looking at it from a business perspective. You may have landed the contract, but bad work will not get it renewed. Why did I use a business analogy? Because time and time again, I see men working far too hard trying to keep their job, that they forget to do their job….meaning being a loving and supportive partner.

Our relationship should give us power. And if it doesn’t, we as men, need to look at why they do not? Do we raise the bar? Does our partner, partner with us? Do they compliment us or our life? Are they proud to be our wife? While it takes two to commit to forming a healthy relationship. It takes one, the one who is reading this, to take the lead. This is not about blame. This is about personal empowerment. For as we level up, often times our partner will too.

So start a relationship reboot. Download all that negativity and upload the positive. Bring your A game. Not just when the conditions are right. But all the time. You cannot control your partner, but you can control yourself. Why waste another day hoping your partner will do more in the relationship, when chances are they’re waiting for the same thing. Because chances are, in times like these, we are thinking of leaving our relationship.

We don’t always need a new relationship. Sometimes all we need is a relationship reboot.

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