I’ve been talking with a lovely woman, Amy, who is successful in her chosen career but who struggles with her feelings.
She told me that she had, and still was experiencing a sense of deep sadness, abandonment, loneliness, and real unworthiness.
Amy didn’t totally understand where the feelings came from and why they would suddenly erupt when she felt she had her life under control.
Work was good. Her career is expanding in the direction she had planned.
Amy acknowledged that her childhood was very painful and is aware that this influences her choice of partners and the patterns that she repeats.
Especially when making choices who to be with and how she shows up in her relationships.
She has sought help in the past, counselling and some healing.
She’s into self-development. But still having no luck with love.
Amy described herself as confident, decisive, ambitious, trustworthy, reliable, approachable, well-liked, open-minded and overall easy going.
Others warm to her easily.
But. And it was a big but. Love evaded her.
She just couldn’t get it together in the way she wanted.
Kept meeting the wrong guy. Felt let down all the time.
And when she did warm to someone, she always found fault and consequently dropped him and did what she always did.
Amy retreated into her comfort zone.
This was her sanctuary where she felt most safe and worthy.
Work had over time becomes a substitute for love.
Avoidance of her inner pain has turned Amy into a workaholic.
After a while, though the need for love would surface again and the same thing would happen.
Amy would go on dates hopeful each time of the possibility of real love.
Only to end up feeling disappointment, hurt and despair when she realised it’s not happening…again.
Every time she went on a date to meet someone new, she was unconsciously expecting it to fail.
And so it did.
Amy Is now at a phase in her life where she feels stuck in the “why does this keep happening to me”.
And beginning to wonder if she is meant to be alone.
At the moment Amy has strategies to cope.
She buries herself in her work, or buys expensive clothes or indulges in binge eating as her needs go unsatisfied.
Now scared of completely losing faith that she will ever find the right one for her.
Amy is looking for a spiritual ‘out of the box’ solution and someone who can help her discover new ways of loving.
Can you relate to Amy’s unhappiness? Does work become your substitute where you deny what your heart is wanting?
Without true enrichment that feeds your heart and soul substitutes, over time will seem more like a punishment.
Work too at some point will become less attractive in which you can bury yourself.
It’s likely you will resent your success and your business.
You’ll have retreated to it so many times to fill up your emptiness it will seem like a prison from which you can’t escape.
It will become a very unhealthy need that will drive you into yourself even more.
Let’s get your head out of work and your heart open to love.
To learn more, book a one-on-one session with Sandy Hounsell, here.