Don’t let your need to be right, impede your want to be happy. Learn to let some things slide. That is the key to my peace. I find when we resist the urge to be right, we literally override any obstacle to be happy. But many times we get caught up in ego. Silence is where we get our strength. Allowing people to be heard, almost always brings a positive result. It is when we feel that we must engage, we increase our chances to escalating energies. And who wants to do that? It is possible to be silent and right.
I am reminded of the saying “It is better to remain silent and appear to be a fool, rather than speak and confirm that you are.” Talk is overrated. In 35 years of mental health, I have found that listening creates an environment of healing. You literally level the playing field. Over the years I have been tasked to deliver bad news on more than one occasion. You know what made me successful? I shut the Hell up. I didn’t try to talk it away. I didn’t diminish their feelings by saying things like “Everything happens for a reason”, or “God has a plan.” Because the truth is, you don’t know. And even if you believe that you know, it’s not about you. It’s about them working through their process. I could have made a career working with wounded healers. The point that I am trying to make is, practice the pause.
Have you ever written an email in anger and then fired it off? And as soon as you did, you immediately regretted it. I think most of us have done this. (It’s pretty much the equivalent to the drunk text.) It is okay to articulate your feelings. What is not healthy is, needing to be right. So many couples that I have coached over the years, weren’t working towards what is right. They were working towards the need to being right. When we work towards truth, and not towards ego, then we will find peace.
It is not in my nature to back down. But by not feeding my ego, there is no need to engage. While working in prisons, this became essential. The minute I walked through the doors, everyone had an opinion of me, and some wanted to challenge me. I never backed down. But I certainly never fanned the fire either. I stood in my truth. And often times the truth came in the form of silence. Have I ever had to lay hands on someone? Yes. But even in those situations, by not inserting my power (of position) or name calling, the altercation would end in a matter of seconds. I believe this to be true, because the energy of wanting what is right, versus needing to be right, levels that playing field. All those years of de-escalation training were helpful, but ultimately meditation and learning to shut the Hell up, lead to the best possible outcomes.
So ask yourself. Do you need to be right? Or do you want to be happy?