It hardly comes as a surprise that blood makes you related, but loyalty makes you family. Growing up, I always saw all of my relatives tear each other apart or taking sides instead of sticking together. And I am sure many of you can relate to this. So, I realized a long time ago I had to build my own circle.
Do you have relatives who you rarely speak with, or hardly ever see? Why is loyalty more important than family? Can you trust people who are involved firmly in your life? Do you have friends that understand your goals, and are there when you need them most?
As a child, you are taught that no matter what, you always have to choose your family first. But then, over the years, you realize that the people who afflict most of the pain on you are not the ones you do not know, but those you often trust the most. All blood does is make you related, but it is loyalty that makes a real family.
If I could give only one suggestion before going any further, it is always to trust your gut instincts. So, if you feel something is wrong, it usually is. And if I decided to talk about this subject today, it is because, throughout the years, I realize that my blood-related family was never there for me, but that a few friends were and still are.
The Concepts of Family
The idea of a family can be interpreted in so many different ways. It can go from your parents who gave you, life, to brothers and sisters, down to all other blood-related relatives. But it can also be defined as your close friends. It is the people in your life that inspire you to be better and usually care about what happens to you.
So, the real definition of family is considered ‘loyalty.’ These people take care of you when the chips are down. They are ready to fight at your side or when you can’t, and are prepared to take the heat if the world is against you. Your closest people, your most precious people are what the concept of family is all about.
And yes, it can be friends, comrades, blood-relations, in-laws, and the like. It is your choice, your life, as long as they are with you always. You and your relatives are connected by blood, but it does not always mean trust and love and loyalty. And at times, such feelings, when given, might not even be real.
Blood vs. Loyalty
The persons that comfort you when everyone else is bringing you down, the people who save your life, even at the risk of losing their own and the friends who stretch a helping hand to you are your family. Blood may make someone a relative, but it doesn’t mean that they care. A family is not always what you think.
So, the original definition of a family no longer applies today. You should never feel bad or have to explain why you choose loyalty over blood relatives at times. There is no need for excuses if you want to remove the people who do not treat you the way you deserve out of your life.
As a result, a real family includes friends, real friends, even if they are not related. They are the ones who stand by you when the rest of the world comes crumbling down. These people support you through your struggles and help lift you up. And they do not judge you or turn their backs on you, even if they may think you are a bit crazy or do not agree with you all the time.
A family is what You Make it
Therefore, just like loyalty, a family has to be like a rock. I never had the best father, brother or real loving relatives. There were only two relatives that counted for me in my life, and that was my mother, and my grandfather. The rest treated me like trash, drove me nuts and considered me as a total stranger after 30 years living around the globe.
While living in the USA, my wealth grew steadily, so my brother or aunt contacted me for help when having financial problems. I gladly helped, even if I did not hear from them for years. But then one day, I got into some struggle and needed aid, yet when called upon, none of my blood relatives ever responded.
So, just because you may be my relative does not mean you are my family. I was considered as the black sheep only because I dared to think outside the box. It is not acceptable for people to disappear when your life is not going their way, and then to reappear when you are doing the things they think are great. A family is what you make it, so choose wisely.
Fake Family and Friends
Some people claim to be one thing and are in reality another. When given a chance to stand up and show what they claimed to be, they run the other way or do the complete opposite. The persons I can count on in this world, I can total them on the one hand. It takes courage to be loyal!
Fake friends are like shadows. They follow you when you walk in the sun, but leave you once you are in the dark. – Unknown
A real family is a small group of individuals who fight with you when going through the darkness of life and love you no matter what. When the world turns against you, loyalty sticks by your side and sees you through life’s mistakes. And let’s not forget that these are the best people to celebrate existence with as well.
Loyalty Makes You Family
If you are like me, some people will be the most loyal friends you will have your entire life. Real family is made to build you up and not tear you down. They are there to support you in all you do, even if they do not always agree entirely with your choices.
So, if some people are always there and would go to the end of the world for you, it shows family. Blood does not play much importance, loyalty does. Just the act of being there and being loyal makes you part of what a family means.
And it is why loyalty plays a significant role. Do what is right! You do not want someone in your life just because you are related. But you want them because you have built a relationship on a stronger foundation, and that is something more significant than your family name.
My Final Word about Family and Loyalty
It is sad that disloyal family or friends will now miss out on all the good things that are happening in my life and all the future events that are about to take place. I have forgiven them, but I will never forget. Lesson learned!
So, do the same, create your own fantastic family that never fails to make sure your well-being is the priority. Build a circle of individuals that will not turn their back on you and would do anything you need as well as you doing the same for them. Those are the people you want in your life, and who are what you can call your family.
In the end, a family is not a title; it is loyalty, love, trust, respect, and relying on and knowing without a doubt that some people will be there for you. So blood might make you related, but it should not mean a thing to you. And it positively should not be defined as the only reason for a family.
Please, leave your comments below, I would love to hear what you have to say.
So True Sergei, loyalty is such an important foundation upon which to build your relationships. Yet it is so under rated as a value in general. Building a solid circle of people around you that you can trust and who are there for you is important. I know some people in my life are my "soul family" as they are people I can really count on to be there for me.
Just like you, I have had many painful experiences of rejection from extended family members. They say that it’s the people that are closest to you that hurt you the most, and this has proven true for me. The criticism, judgment, mockery, and condescension I’ve endured at the hands of relatives have been painful, and at times, devastating. Recent events have caused me to consider whether or not to continue to set firm boundaries, or just stop dealing with them altogether. I must say that I’m leaning towards just cutting ties. As I get older, my peace is paramount. This article reaffirms many of my deepest feelings about the distinction between relatives and family, and it was comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for an insightful article.
Hi Jen, another helpful way to look at it is, to spend most of your time with people you love, who “see you” and where it is a two-way relationship. People, where you both go away from the interaction feeling good. Don’t expect people to give you what they cannot give. When you surround yourself with people who you share positive vibes with and provide stability in your life, then you will have more capacity to deal with those that don’t in loving ways.