The Bliss Blog

How to Say What You Really Want to Say in a Relationship

in Romantic Relationships

I have published countless articles on relationships. I have worked along side of some very impressive relationship experts. I been with my wife for 16 years. And I think when we pull back all the layers, we can achieve a healthy long lasting relationship with two steps. Are you interested?

Most people want the fairly tale relationship. A lot of people over complicate them. Take the two most well adjusted people and give them a bunch of steps to follow, and more often than not, something gets missed. Not so much for the lack of trying. But for trying too much. When we are locked in, we can at times, come across as being hard and mechanical. While it is important to focus on the relationship, I like to simplify my approach to it. I believe that if we follow just two simple steps, our relationships will thrive.

I look at relationships skills the same as I do advanced calculus. It's great to know, but in real life I very rarely use them. Sometimes too much knowledge can get in the way. I am not suggesting to put down the relationship building books. Or, if you're in couples counseling, please continue to work with your provider. What I am saying is by getting back to basics, in many cases will restore even some of the most difficult relationships. Let me explain.

While most long term successful couples have ups and downs {sorry, no one is exempt}, they follow these two simple principles that I am talking about. Are you ready for the big reveal? The two principles that I am referring to are, be kind and be honest. That's it. Kind of bummed that you had to read all this to get to be kind and be honest, huh? But, if you can do that, almost everything can worked through. 

So often in relationships we answer to respond. We keep talking to feed our obsession to be right, in stead of talking to find what's right. If you're kind while being honest, you literally are talking the sting out of that exchange. Long term couples stay long term because of honesty. But more importantly, they are kind to each other. 

Over the last decade and a half, my wife has called me out on hundreds things. But, because she did it with kindness, it was more often than not easy to receive. It is entirely possible to be honest and cruel at the same time. When your honesty is accompanied by kindness, watch how a conversation shifts from attack and defense, to love and respect. 

So there you have it. Be honest and be kind. Because while knowing advanced calculus can be helpful. It is useless unless you understand basic mathematics. 

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