The Bliss Blog

Healing the Hurt

in Mindfulness
The Author
Deborah Fairfull
This verified expert offers personal coaching services
Posted on July 7, 2016

Estimated reading time: 3 1/2 minutes

Life can sometimes feel cruel and unfair. People can say and do unkind things to us that take us away from our peace in what seems like a nanosecond. One minute we can feel happy and content and the next we are left feeling sad, confused or hurt. Ideally, we would feel so content and resilient that no matter what someone says or does, it would flow over us like a wave washing over a rock. Non-reactivity is the ideal outcome of being on a spiritual path or personal development work. However sometimes there is more work to do, and this is indicated by how reactive we feel on a daily basis. When we feel triggered or hurt by something, the best thing we can do is to observe the feeling with an open heart. Let it flow through our energetic system rather than holding down all that pain and negativity within. Holding past hurts down takes a lot of energy that could be used to enjoy our present day experiences.

When painful feelings do surface from the past, we can give love and support to our inner child who is the one who is hurting. We can take our little selves on a wonderful journey of healing, with our love and support. The most powerful way to do this is with our imagination.
Imagine your little self-sitting beside you that is feeling the painful feelings of being abandoned, rejected or hurt for example. Give the little self a huge heart to heart hug and tell them that you are here to support them forever more, and they never need to feel afraid and unprotected again. Ask them if they would like to go on a beautiful walk with you.

You both stand up and walk hand in hand into a beautiful green meadow with fields all around you. It is a beautiful sunny day with crystal blue clear skies. You explain to your younger self that the adults that have hurt you in your life had their problems and that their behaviour is not a reflection on you. They did not consciously intend to hurt you—they just did not know a better way of dealing with their pain. People do the best they can with the skills they have at the time.

The only sin is ignorance ~ Buddhist saying

No-one would ever consciously hurt another human being, this type of behaviour is unconscious. When you are conscious, you feel so connected to others that hurting them would be like hurting yourself.

The previous hurt from the past the pain is not who you are. If you have taken the pain on in any way (indicated by how you feel now), this is the time now to observe the pain and let it go. Let it flow through your energetic system with an open heart, allowing you to feel open, happy and connected to the joy of life once more!

Pain and suffering are not who you truly are; the truth is that you are divine, innocent and pure love. That is your true nature, no matter what has happened to you in the past.

The more we open our heart is, the more energetic, whole and connected we feel. When we are hurt, it can be an automatic response to close our heart, to not let people in, to protect ourselves. Unfortunately, this can also close us off from experiencing the joy of love and life. When we were young we may not have had a choice, we perhaps knew of no other way or were not supported by wise adults to guide us in keeping our hearts open, no matter what the hurt.

The good news is that as adults, we do have a choice. We have a choice to remain in our loving, connected state, no matter what! We can choose to see the people around us with love, no matter what their defences and behaviours are. Of course, we would set boundaries and let people know that it is not OK to treat us badly in anyway as this is being open hearted and loving towards ourselves. However, under no circumstances do we let others behaviours lead to us closing our heart.

As an adult, we can remain connected to this wise and inner voice that comforts and supports our inner child. This wisdom lovingly guides and protects us in all our current day experiences. As a child it is normal to feel scared when adults are acting their unconscious fears, however as an adult, their is no need to be scared anymore.

So give your inner child one more big hug and tell them that they are now safe in your love, that together you are integrated and whole. That all your past and present experiences have given you the strength and resilience to go out into the world and be all that you can be—your full, expanded and magnificent loving self.

 

Article by Deborah Fairfull

 

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