Most adults deeply desire to have fulfilling, loving relationships with others. It is very difficult in a relationship to give away more than what you have yourself. If you don’t feel worthy, loving and respectful of yourself, it makes it harder to feel that way towards others and to receive love. You may not feel deeply loving and respectful of and towards yourself. In this case, it’s helpful to accept your authentic feelings; you cannot heal something until you accept it.
Steps to love yourself:
1. Accept denial is common:
Denial is when you have an issue or a problem but choose to ignore it, which keeps you stuck in the same old problems. Denial may occur when you are afraid of your unexplored emotions. However, denial has its purpose—as sometimes you are not ready to face your issues. You also may instinctively know that you may have a good toolbox of skills or the right emotional support to help you in your journey until you feel healed and whole once more. You may use denial as a method to protect ourselves until you are ready to confront the issue. Trust your instincts; they have got you this far.
Sometimes it is appropriate to respect others’ denial with unconditional love, as nobody knows their inner world better than they do. This goes the same for you; no one knows your inner world better than you.
2. Question your conditioning:
Conditioning is where you are continuously exposed to the same idea or belief and take it on as your own. For example, if your mother repeatedly taught you that men are not to be trusted (and this can be passed on energetically), you might grow up believing that all men are not to be trusted, giving you a distorted view of the world. What you believe is reflected back to you in life; your beliefs determine your reality.
When you transcend your conditioning based on your limiting beliefs, you can rise above living in a fearful way and instead rest in peace and love. It is important to note that not all conditioning is negative. For example, a typical response to a small accident is to kiss it better, this is done with love and teaches you to care for others. The people in your lives have conditioned you with the best of intentions, and they have a whole range of influences and conditioning that have also influenced them as well. You are doing the best you can with the skills that you have.
3. Trust yourself:
Being empowered, loving, respectful and feeling worthy is your natural state. If you do not feel this way, it is because of the beliefs that you have adopted and taken on as your truth or story.
You would never consciously take on these beliefs where you feel unworthy, unloved or disrespected. Most of these beliefs are taken on when you put our power “out there” and think that other people know better than us. Often, you are conditioned to believe this is true if you grew up in an environment where our opinions and ideas were not valued. TRUST YOURSELF! Take back control, give yourself the power, you’ve had it all along.
With widespread stress, anxiety, depression, drugs, divorce, violence, and alcoholism, humankind is searching for new ways to live a peaceful and fulfilling life. This has never been truer when it comes to having a deep connection with our romantic partners. Learn to love yourself as once you’ve achieved this, loving others will be second nature.