The Bliss Blog

Keeping Your Relationship Alive Over the Long Term

in Relationships
The Author
Blisspot
Posted on July 17, 2016

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

No one wants a relationship that is complacent and boring, yet incrementally this can happen over time. A longer term relationship can decline slowly, until both parties realise that their relationship is not as good as it once was, or maybe even not what they want.

 

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The good news is that it is never too late to rekindle the fire of your relationship, not even after an affair or other more significant breaches of trust.

With awareness and commitment to new ways in our relationship, it is possible to rebuild it, making it stronger than ever on a new solid foundation. Integral to this is keeping our relationship alive, evolving, fresh and exciting is nurturing and nourishing it regularly just as we would nurture a garden to support it in flourishing.

Routine and systems are good at providing stability within a relationship; however, spontaneity and surprises can make it fun and exciting. In relationships, we can use our creativity endlessly to surprise and delight our partner: loving notes, surprise trips away, naming a star, sexy underwear, kind deeds, unexpected gifts, writing a poem… the list goes on and on, limited only by our imaginations.

Many men may give the appearance they are uncomfortable with feelings, yet they value women who challenge them and take them to new levels of feeling. Love is a feeling. This may take practice if we have lost our emotional connection or spark in the relationship. To keep our relationships alive, learning to connect on an emotional level is essential. The alternative is for partners to co-exist in a relationship in a non-connected way. 


Women generally, but not always, tend to process the world emotionally, as for them it gives it depth and meaning and satisfying their inner needs. Men experience the world more logically, where things don’t seem to touch them so deeply at an emotional level. Men often need and desire women to take them to an emotional place where they can feel and experience the world in a deeper way.

Women can fall into the trap of smothering or mothering their male partners having the effect of taking all the excitement out of the relationship. A male who is in an imbalanced relationship is unable to express his male power fully. A man desires to be seen as a leader and has the automatic need to problem solve to allow the relationship the best it can be.

If the woman is doing everything, sometimes it doesn’t allow the man to reach his full potential within the relationship. A woman doing everything for her male partner can also lead to her feeling resentful. When someone doesn’t allow another in the relationship to contribute physically and emotionally, it creates a rescuing energy and doesn’t allow either party to reach and grow to their full potential.

In the reverse, a woman could be looking for a father figure, someone who will love her and protect her. Having a father to look up to when you are a child is normal, but as an adult, ideally couples grow together. They are able to stand apart in their own right yet be connected. This is the foundation for a healthy, solid, fully functioning relationship.

A dysfunctional relationship is where there is some sort of parental energy in the relationship that creates an imbalance. This is because one partner is taking on adult responsibility and the other is abdicating themselves of responsibility and being looked after like a child. This is often not sustainable as the responsible partner can get sick of carrying the load for both parties or the one acting as a child may feel their freedom is restricted. When both partners engage in the relationship as fully functioning adults it creates a sustainable win-win scenario for all.

Flirting with your partner, whether long-term or short-term, can be lots of fun; it can let them know you want them and you are still interested in them, even if you have been married for 50 years! Make your times together fun-filled and exciting, so that they feel they can never see enough of you!

 

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