Your Partner is not a Mind Reader

couple sits on bench happily smiling beside lake
by Vance Larson

She said “He should know what I am thinking”. I thought, he we go again. Why just because you’re in a relationship do you think that your partner knows what you’re thinking? I have seen more relationships end, and more arguments happen for this very reason.

So many of us make the mistake, believing that our partner knows what is going on inside of our heads. If you’re lucky, there will be times when you are in sync with each other. However, just because you sync up at times, does not mean that you will always know. In fact, most of the time you will not. Let me put this way: the longer that you are with someone, the chances are you will be in sync about their thought processes. However, even in long term relationships, we still get it wrong.

I’m not gambling on my wife and what I think I know.

I like to think in terms of respect to my partner when it comes to her thought processes. My wife and I have been together for a pretty long time (in our 17th year). While we do a pretty good job of reading each other, I can honestly say that maybe 70% of the time we get it right. Maybe. With that said, if we did not take the time to talk and ask questions, that would mean we would get it wrong 30% of the time… assuming we truly lined up with that 70%. I don’t know about you, but to me, I’m not willing to risk her feelings on an assumption. Yes, 70% is pretty good odds. If I were in Vegas, I would take 70% all day long, but I’m not in Vegas. I’m not gambling on my wife and what I think I know. Instead I ask and therein lies the beauty of healthy communication.

Been together for awhile? Think you know what they’re thinking? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. In my experience it’s a guess. If you’re in a relationship that is rather new (5 year or less), you’re probably looking more at a 30% chance of knowing. Take the guess work out. On the important matters, just ask. Often you think you know when in reality you have no idea. Cultivate the art of healthy communication. 



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