In 1981 there was a hit movie and song called Endless Love. I think it connected with so many people because the thought of an endless love is enticing. But we’re a long way from 1981. And sure an endless love still sounds appealing, however it is the endless swipe that many seem to be drawn to. Before meet-up groups, chat rooms, dating services, dating sites and apps, we were running low on dating options. But today, there is an endless stream of accessible people just waiting to meet up. What I have been seeing in my office, is a vast set of problems associated with the endless swipe.
Today many are relying on the power of the swipe. New relationships are are constantly being threatened because of the swipe. No one would deny just how intoxicating a “new love” is. It is a magical time where everything is new and exciting. We bring the best version of ourselves to each date. We’re kind, considerate and accommodating. We count the minutes to we see our love again. We’re up until late in the evening without giving a second thought to work in the early morning. And intimacy. Let’s not forget about the intimacy. The exploration alone is it’s own form of currency. And then it happens. The newness wears off. The accommodations become less and less. The constant check-ins throughout the day start to feel more like a chore than a reward. And finally the intimacy starts to lag. Wait. What?!
Enter the swipe. You had 6 months of pure bliss and now all of a sudden you wonder where that intoxicating person went? You go out for a casual drink with your friends. You talk about the dip in your relationship. The right amount of vulnerability is present. Your well meaning friends say you can do better. You look at your phone hoping to see a blissful text from your love. But instead, you see a text saying that they’re tired, and they’ll call you tomorrow. You now have all the ingredients for the swipe. So you open the app, and the excitement builds. There is a brief thought of “I don’t want to do this”. Swipe. You just did.
“The promise of the endless swipe keeps us from really developing as a couple.”
This scenario plays out over and over again. The amount of clients I see giving up on good relationships (due to the swipe continues to grow. I get it. The newness of a relationship is pretty cool. But so many are developing a pattern of swipe not fight. They instead opt to jump from one relationship to another without ever really investing their full commitment to it. The promise of the endless swipe keeps us from really developing as a couple. When we hit a rough spot, the swipe is there saying “It’s smooth sailing over here.” And so many people opt for calm waters, instead of learning to become a skilled sailor.
I don’t have a problem with the swipe. I know it is how many people meet each other theses days. But seeing couples in my office use the swipe as some sort power play is counterproductive. You met via the swipe. You don’t have to remind each other that their replacement is one swipe away. It is impossible to build, let alone repair a relationship when shots have been fired.
Is it possible to find the endless love using the swipe? Of course it is. But the endless love requires the endless commitment. And there can be no endless commitment when you swipe instead of fight (for your relationship).