Why Having ‘You Time’ Will Help Your Relationship Last

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other’s shadow.
~ Kahlil Gibran

 

Compatibility is the cornerstone to many successful relationships

I do a lot of relationship coaching. What I have found interesting over the course of the years is the couples that spend all of their time together, seem to get stuck within their relationship. Compatibility is the cornerstone of many successful relationships. Stifling one another is not. So as I see couples that enjoy each others company, when I look into it a little deeper, they both have a healthy sense of self.

I have told this story over the course of the years, and its always good for a laugh or strange look. When my wife and I travel, we always get connecting hotel rooms. Why? For many reasons. While we both very much enjoy each others company, we equally respect each others space. There is no competing for the television, bathroom or having to go to bed at the same time. She can read undisturbed. Or, I can take a client call in the other room without the TV blaring. We are free to relax in our own space without imposing on the other. You would be surprised at just how intimate this can be. 

Your personal development will add years to your relationship

There is something tangible I think in having your own space. And the coming together of two people who are secure in themselves breeds intimacy. I am not suggesting leading separate lives. I am suggesting not abandoning your own. Your personal development will add years to your relationship. For as you grow and mature, you bring a new energy and creativity back to the relationship. You’re not sitting around the table after 10 years having the same conversations you had 10 years ago. 

You have to find what works best for you. But I have noticed that the couples that work, live and vacation together, seem to have a higher rate relationship discord, than those who are not together all of the time. I am sure there are couples out there that are successful who are. But, it’s like when couples merge their money, each wants to have a little side money for their own to do whatever they want. And they should. It’s healthy. The same principle holds true for time. For there will be times when you just don’t want to do the same thing. And that too is healthy. 

I love you. Get away from me

So maybe there are times that we need to get away from each other to actually get closer to each other. Or, in the case of my wife and I. We say “I love you. Get away from me”