I knew it wouldn’t miss a month. It’s actually been several years straight that every month someone wants to talk to me about how the grass is greener on the other side. Just 4 days to spare in the month, and today the streak stays alive.
What I find interesting is that I usually hear it from someone who is in a new relationship. (I define a new relationship of 2 years or less). While it is true that I get a fair share from longer term couples, it appears that the new couples grow restless sooner than later.
So is the grass greener on the other side? Honestly, in most cases yes. But that quickly will change if you do not take the time to water the grass where you are. New relationship or old, the grass will fade if you do not take proper care of it. So to me, its really has nothing to do with the grass. But it has everything to do with motivation. I see many couples placing value on unimportant things. Not that they’re really unimportant, but it comes down to priorities.
I hear things like “we didn’t get a vacation this year and that’s why we are out of sorts”. Or, “he/she will never get off the phone and spend time with me”. This is really all about distraction. While it is important to show respect to your partner and plan fun activities, far too many couples when faced with the prospect of just spending time together, find they have nothing in common or anything to talk about. What happened to the days of just wanting to be with the person you fell in love with? Why now are we shunning away true intimacy? Is it just like the grass and that love has faded? Or is that we never took the time to cultivate the love in the first place?
Every couple has to find a rhythm that works for them. But it is hard to find that rhythm when we don’t properly invest in our partner. In today’s fast paced society, we are inundated with distraction non stop. Between social media, 24 hour news and non stop texting, it is hard for some to focus on the person in front of them. Want to know which couples will make it and which ones won’t? Here are a couple of indicators on which will likely see a relationship succeed.
1. They are all in. They handle their business internally and they have each others back.
2. They talk to each other and not at each other. {If you’re having a hard time understanding this principle, take a read on effective communication.}
3. They are willing to compromise, but not their core values.
4. They act as a team when making the “big” decisions.
5. They laugh. And they laugh often.
6. They understand that there will be bad days. And just like making those “Big” decisions, they come together knowing that it affects them both.
7. They make time for each other. With all those distractions out there, they do not get distracted from each other.
8. They make time to get away from each other. They understand that sometimes a little distraction is not only a good thing, but it can be healthy.
9. They make their relationship more than just about them. They find a way to connect to something greater than them. Community, volunteerism, religion ect.).
10. Because they’re in love, they are not jealous. (See principle number 1).
Everyone loves a green lawn. But not everyone wants to do the yard work. But here’s the thing. Lawns like relationships fade without proper care. Just like you care for your house and almost everything else that you own. You’re going to have to put a little work into it to keep it special.
I have known men that spend more time working on that old car in the garage, than spending time with their partner. I’ve even called them out on it. To my shock, I have heard, but by fixing it up it increase value. Wow! Imagine how the value of your relationship would increase if you worked on it just as much? Get my point?
Don’t allow distraction to cause the fade. Because if you do, eventually every lawn you stand on will become faded.
I like this article, some really good points about relationships and human nature!