Groundhog Day

I see it several times a month. A client will come to see me for relationship help and complain about their partner. They go on to say that they’re tired of relationship fails. That every relationship they have seems to have the same pattern. Thus, they all end the same way. It is at that moment they ask me why this happens? Seeing this all too often, I tell them that it is Groundhog Day.

What?! There was a movie years ago called Groundhog Day. The premise was a reporter woke up on Groundhogs Day and relived the same day over and over again. Eventually, he realized that he could change the outcome by doing things differently. So, I tell my clients that they are living in relationship Groundhogs Day.

So many of us find we are making the same mistakes. We chase the same type of person and even use the same language from one relationship to the next. We then get upset when the relationship takes the same course as all the previous ones. We are expecting a different result, but applying the same principles. Frustrated, angry and hurt, the relationship ends.

What is interesting to me is that many of my clients are complaining about the behaviors of their partner, yet refuse to look at their own behavior. If we do not take the time to grow and cultivate our own behaviors and attitude, we are doomed to relationship Groundhogs Day.

Not many people want to take a look at their faults. And by shifting the focus to our partner, we can circumnavigate our own shortcomings. But this will only get us so far. That is usually the time I point out to my clients that they have enlisted the help of a relationship coach, and now is the time to be honest. When we learn to identify and call out ourselves on our own BS, when can then take the steps to ensure that we don’t stay in a Groundhogs Day relationship.

The reward of doing the internal work is learning your worth. As we evolve, we attract individuals into our lives that will compliment us, not complete us. It is in that space that transformation takes place. I see it happen with my clients, and I have witnessed it myself first hand. Once I realized what I was doing, I was able to step out of my Groundhogs Day.

And that space of transformation? By being honest, authentic and vulnerable, led me to my wife {of 15 years}. The process of self-discovery leads to reward. And although it is not always easy, by being honest, you are presenting your true self and attracting people who will not require you to change. Because when you’re honest, people know exactly who you are. They are not investing on a surface level. They’re investing in the core of you.
So here’s to the groundhog not seeing his shadow because you want to see an early spring. Do the internal work and say good-bye to the relationship Groundhog Day. It’s time to experience the rest of the days on the calendar.