How to Create a Lasting, Loving, Intimate Relationship

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The Author
Vance Larson
This verified expert offers personal coaching services
Posted on Jan 16

She couldn't keep her hands off me. Every night was a new experience in intimacy. Then one day, it stopped. Help!

He was a new client and he reached out to me because his relationship had hit a brick wall when it came time to be intimate. What was he to do? I started the process by asking how long they had been together? He said, about 2 and a half years. While it is true that some relationships slow down with time, 2 and a half years seems to be a little early for that. Still, everyone is different. 

Your partner should feel safe, desirable and loved.

I know of couples who have been together decades and still have a very gratifying sex life, there really is no normal. Start to think in terms of healthy. With that said, intimacy is a dance and the longer that you are together, you must create an atmosphere to dance. You must be a good dance partner. What exactly does that mean? Your partner should feel safe, desirable and loved. 

Starting on Tuesday, has been a great help for many of my clients. What does that mean? It means that if you're thinking about intimacy for Thursday, start dancing on Tuesday. You know the old saying that you need to pre-heat the oven. This really works, but how? Well you know all those things you did when you first starting dating? Do them again. Be creative. Change it up.  

I see couples all the time stop trying once they feel the other partner is committed to them. However, the truth is, intimacy is so much more intense and pleasurable with a trusted partner and it usually takes time to build trust. Those things that we used to do like keep in shape, actually listen to each other, flirt or take a romantic walk. Or maybe you were a thrill seeker and jumped out of a plane, went for a hike or took a spontaneous trip. The point is when the music slows down and eventually the dancing too, the intimacy it likely to stop. I'm not just talking about the physical intimacy, I mean the connection we get from that trust, will lead us to feel safe, desirable and loved.

So, if you are craving more interaction in your relationship, try Tuesday. It may just be the answer because a weekend affair starts with dancing on Tuesday.

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