The Bliss Blog

Is a Child's Success Guaranteed by the Activities they do?

in Parenting
The Author
Sacha Kaluri - Parenting Expert
Posted on Apr 17

Will the next generation be more successful because they have more skills than generation X

When my eldest child was about to start prep, I attended a seminar with Transition expert Leonie Tambyn from Guiding Transition speak about how to make sure my child was best ready to start school. I remember among the many great things she told the audience, one specific thing was to not get caught up in the competitiveness of parents.

Things like:

My Child does karate three times a week; he is 4 and is a Black Belt. My child does plays Aus Kick and they think they have potential for AFL so I have hired a personal trainer, my child plays the saxophone, speaks Japanese and dances three times a week.

I made my mind up that night to never compete with other parents and I was just going to ride the wave with my own child. And that I did! I was not the least bit affected by the winter trips parents would specifically take to the snow to increase their child’s skiing skills, or the fact they were doing three acting classes a week so their child would have a chance to audition for Matilda.

As my children got older and they had developed their own interests, acting, public speaking, basketball, karate, cricket, swimming, violin, Chinese, singing, computer coding, and that was just the start of it.  Opportunities would present themselves. Of course as I am the parent that wants to give their child every opportunity I didn’t have, I would say yes, lets do it. I was certainly not being pushy, it was my child saying they wanted to do these things, and they were genially interested. 

But I could not help hear that little voice inside of me say, "Am I working them too hard, is our days filled with activities and me driving around" Isn’t school enough? I realized I was not competing with other parents. I was competing with my own childhood issues.

My mum was a single mum that worked two or even sometimes three jobs at once just to keep me clothed and have a roof over my head. Its only once I became a parent I realised how much hard work she put in. The school I went to didn’t offer all of these choices. Or at least I didn’t know about it because if the newsletter came home to say "Does your child want to sign up for the violin lessons". Mum would not have been able to afford it. I went to a school that offered drug dealing as an elective. Or at least it was career choice. If you get my drift.

Am I too court up in fixing my own childhood issues, maybe yes. By giving my children every opportunity possible. But I'm not the pushy mum.  I don’t force my children into anything they don’t want to do. They express the interest. But my question is can a child survive out there in the world to become an adult in 2027, which does not speak at two languages, play an instrument and have the footy or dancing skills of a professional. Will they still have the opportunity to become a successful well-adjusted adult if they don’t have these extra skills under their belt? Or will they feel inferior when they are sitting around the bar at " Friday night drink" and everyone will be bragging about there Fencing skills, and they have no idea what "En garde" means.  Are we in fact creating a bigger gap between the haves and have not’s and is this generation, that has all these extras skills becoming a super generation?.

Or would it be like a recent parent I met at a violin recital. While the teachers were explaining the technical things our children had just learnt. I was sitting there thinking, "What the hell is a Spiccato? " I turn the parent next to me and said.. What’s that? Thinking everyone else in the room had no idea like I did, but I was sitting next to a parent that also had violin lessons as a child and knew exactly what was going on, Yet they never play as an adult. Was their entire childhood Violin practice worth that moment of bragging? Or the day I was with a journalist at a music studio and they sat at a piano and played like Mozart.  Yet they now never play at all.

Will it really ever matter to our child’s life if we as parents now dedicate our whole Saturdays to the extra activities, plus drive around until 9.30pm at night to pick them up from the late night indoor cricket group they belong to during winter, because the summer group is just not enough?

Am I doing all of this so that one day when my child grows on his first date, and they see the cello covered in dust in the corner, they ask him to play and that’s how he wins over their heart. Or do I want my children to be a Kevin Rudd and just whip out a full on Chinese conversation in a meeting. 

Are we just going too far as parents, Or have we as parents created a world where now in 2037 its just won’t be enough to be good a few things, that we have to have so many skills that at 17 our resume is already full.

I mean I have turned out ok in my adult years; I didn’t have swimming lessons until I was 10 in order to know how to swim. I still can sing along even though I was never in a choir and I still loved Paris even though I can’t read and write French. I can debate someone with a strong arguments and I have never been in debate team and I can still stay out at a party all night and dance, and I have never taken a dance lesson.

But is my forever challenging weight problem due to the fact that I had three and half sessions of netball my whole life as my mum worked Saturday morning and could not take me to a game or training. 

I’m not trying to teach you how to suck eggs as a parent, I’m just pondering the questions out loud and asking you to think?

Anyway while I keep thinking of my answers, I better go and get in the car, I’m off the take my child to choir practice at 7.30am twice a week. Hang on...I don’t even think I even know any slightly well adjusted adults that were in the school choir?

 

Sacha Kaluri

www.sachakaluri.com

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