The Bliss Blog

How to Get the Best out of Your Relationship

in Relationships
The Author
Deborah Fairfull
This verified expert offers personal coaching services
Posted on July 7, 2016

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

An authentic life is what makes our life joyous and free and flowing. When we live behind a mask, it is exhausting and takes lots of energy, and we spend our time pleasing other people rather than being true to ourselves. When we can truly take responsibility for our feelings and be very real about the way we see the world, we can make significant progress in our relationships. While we are growing up, well-meaning adults can encourage us to blame other for our feelings. This is because they do not want us to feel pain and suffering.

 

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Unfortunately, those good intentions can have the reverse effect: it can teach children that their genuine feelings are not valid, so they put on a happy face or blame the other person, as they think this is what the parents want. Resistance to what is creates pain.

If we instead learn to observe and validate all our feelings—even our painful ones—they will flow through our energetic system. When our emotions flow freely we automatically return to our natural loving state.

All of our feelings are valid: our happiness, sadness, joy and anger; it is when we label them as right or wrong that we disconnect from our natural emotions. We do this because we are in our heads judging ourselves as right or wrong, good or bad.

Our heads become very “noisy” and then we cannot hear the wisdom of our hearts, which is responsible for our emotional intelligence that guides us safely through life.

The journey to consciousness starts with the self; that is when we learn to observe what is going on for us in our body. When our energy is predominantly in our head, which is often driven by our ego; that part of us can tell us that we need to be better, we are not good enough, or others are not good enough.

The wisdom of our heart is loving, and would not judge or push us or anyone else in this way. The heart accepts, understands, is full of compassion and inspires, rather than drive a person forward.

When we look at our inner world, initially some of the emotions can feel uncomfortable, but with practice and time, we learn to master and observe them, so we feel in control of our lives. However, from personal experiences and witnessing many others, it is one of the most life- changing and rewarding journeys you will ever go on.

Creating conscious relationships gives you the opportunity to share this journey with your partner. A divinely orchestrated gift that has been given to us on our journey to wholeness.

My husband and I met when we were 24 and both very unconscious of our inner world. I was unaware of my thoughts and feelings moment to moment, and the influence they had on my behaviour, as well as the resulting effect on our relationship.

For the first few years we were together, it was as though the whole world sparkled!! We adored being in each other’s presence. However, after a few years, our unconscious patterns of behaviour surfaced, giving us many opportunities for growth and expansion.

“Life” was urging us to become more conscious and aware if our relationship was to survive; my husband and I had a wake-up call!

When things are not going well, we tend to think, “everything happens for a reason” or that “what is meant to be will be,” and while these widely held beliefs may have their place, sometimes they aren’t so helpful. When things are not going well, or our dreams are not coming true, it is up to us to take action; if we want to have a better relationship, it is up to us.

Statistics say that 65% of the couples surveyed broke up during a 40-year period. If people really cannot work through their differences, perhaps it is better for them to end the relationship. However, many of these marriages could be saved if people were aware of and able to do things in a different way and step into their empowered selves. True empowerment occurs when we go beyond being a victim, a persecutor or a rescuer, and allow our innate radiance to shine.

To do this, we must take action as action equals results. We are all powerful creators, able to create our reality when we know how! If we are not proactive, rather than creating the lives that we want, we can end up living the life that other people want us to at our expense.

This is more predominant when the males are the leaders of the family rather than creating an equal relationship with their female partner. The woman's gifts of intuition and divine wisdom are not valued.  The female partner can then be left dealing with the consequences of what their male partner chooses, which may not be in their best interests.

It is possible for both men and women to coexist in romantic relationships in a way that serves them both: where both their needs are met, in a sharing and caring way. Relationships can be balanced, allowing men and women to tap into the power of being male or female, living full and empowered lives together.

Article by Deborah Fairfull

 

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Comments

1 comment
  • Patricia Michaels likes this
  • Patricia Michaels
    Patricia Michaels I really enjoyed this article, Deborah. Thank you for being so genuine and personal with what you've written.
    August 30, 2017

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