Thank you so much for the response- I just wonder, why me, I am not the "best" person, i am not the purest one, but I have been trying since the starting of my awakening 9 years ago to be a good person... I really have

Lots of stuff happened in my late teens. When I was 18-23 I was in complete darkness, meaning that I was not able to be myself because of health issues such as big sleeping disorders...  I slept only 2-3 hours a night for a few years and was totally broken down. On the worst time when I was finally able to be sleepy and drift away after maybe 4-5 hours in bed, I felt an electric charge building up in my throat chakra, and give me an electric shock. This only happened over a couple of weeks, but for a 20 year old man in totally darkness, this was no fun I can tell you that. But Before I turned 18 I was very very happy, maybe more happy then most people, so I did everything in my power to find happiness again and heal myself. What I knew was eating healthy and exercising, so I did even when I felt totally worn down I needed to know I had did what I could that day. I always took small steps and reached towards the light. I am very emphatic and sensitive, always have been.

From 23 I was healthy enough to start working again and being more and more myself, but something was still missing, even if I did everything I knew right.

So I build my life up very much in my material, personal, health and spiritual path from I was 23-27...

Now I am 29 years old.

When I was 27, almost 28, suddenly lots of things happened in my life in 6 month time, but before this time I had felt something building up. If I told you everything you would think it was from a movie.
This took med back into the darkness for a couple of month, but I had always the connection, and I looked at everything as a test from the universe, and I still do whatever happens... But the thing was, after all these incidents at the sam time I had so much darkness, anger and negative thoughts in me.. But I had no interest of having darkness in my life and having negative thoughts. I know that darkness creates more darkness, and light creates light, and I am living for the light and want to be a good person. So I started meditating every day and doing yoga almost every day, added on all the other things I did before... And after a very short period of time actually, I got the need to use my skills, and to use them to help people... I never had the oppertunity to use my skills in my work before. I was a truck driver and post man while i had my focus on healing myself and not get stuck in the job and the normal life. So 3 month I did not what to do, but I was very happy, because I knew that in someway I would find a way for this to happen... It was just a matter of time, I felt healed and whole for the first time in 10 years... I had no idea i would get the urge to help people but it happened. So now I have changed my career from truck driver to a personal trainer, and I am working in a health store helping people every day.

And I have been searching to find meaning and truth, knowing that the meaning and truth for me was not the regular path... So the last year when I have been able much of the time to tap into and/or create this energy I have been using this energy, or this connection as a guide... Some people and circumstances taps me from the power to tap into the energy, so I think they are not good for me, and on the other hand, some peoples company lets me easy access this energy, so I feel they are right for me, same way of guiding myself I am using with choices, such as jobs and other choices in life. I feel as I long I maintain the connection I am on my path and have purpose as you say. And I have been wondering if some choices are worth tapping out of this connection in a limited time to gain long term benefits to get into some struggles. Because some struggles in life we maybe should and need to go through. 

You probably know what I mean there.

Like 6 month after I started meditating I was having some wierd experiences for a few month, maybe 3 month or so. When I startet to meditate and focused on relaxing and slowing my breath I felt a pressure in my head... When I "followed" the pressure, and did not get scared of the pressure I felt I stopped my heart for a beat and I felt a big pressure in my head... Often these times I would follow it I ended up with almost fainting and having spasms for a short period of time. One time I passed out for a few second...  could even create the pressure several times during one meditation session. But it went away... Do you know what this is?

These days I am trying my best to stay in connection but there is still aftereffects from everything that happened in 2016, but this whole experience basically kicked my ass back on the track I am supposed to go, at least it feels like it, and I am grateful for everything that happened, if not maybe the big change would never happen, or happen later......

So I am grateful to be able to enjoying life, and contribute to a better world. And I am grateful for your answer... I am the only one I know digging deep and are managing to keeping my dicipline up, but I meet so many open minded and like minded people these days, so I do not longer feel lonely as I did before. Even if I had many friends i felt lonely before. But now it is magical and exciting times